…The Psycho Ward: SSBM Style!
by joebthegreat
Summary: well well well... we get to hear the crazy ideas of what life is like from the Smashers themselves... some are deranged... some are clueless... but they are all hilarious... I think
1. Pikachu

**The Psycho Ward: SSBM Style!**

**Part 1… AND A HALF! (ooh!)**

Disclaimer: I don't own a lot of things… I don't even care… I will some day… but really if you steal from my ideas in this story… I WILL SUE YOU!… of course anything you stole from this story that isn't mine… well that will just get freaky…

Reviews:

WHY WONT YOU REVIEW MY CHAPTER 0!

Ok well either way I plan on this getting to 25 chapters… one for each character… the Smashers will be telling you stories of their life as if they are talking to a Psychiatrist or something like that… I guess… I should care shouldn't I?… oh well… the whole thing is one person talking

* * *

(Pikachu)

HEY YOU SON OF A BITCH!

WHY DO YOU PEOPLE ABUSE ME SO MUCH!

… there was a time… I had a lightning bolt strike me from above… as Zapdos was shocking me AND another Pikachu shocked me…

But NO! you all think… ooh look he's a cute rat… HE CANT BE HURT BY ELECTRICITY!

Oh you just don't KNOW!… oh I'll MAKE you know… I'll MAKE you realize how much it HURTS!

Ash is just sitting there laughing at me though…

"HAHA YOU CAN TAKE IT… BESIDES! THIS IS AN EXPERIMENT FOR SCIENCE!"

Ooh… IM NOT SCIENTIFIC… IM ALIVE!

But none of you realize that's the truth now do you…

You all just sit there laughing as I get slammed back and forth… "HAHA CUTE RAT IS DYING!"

Like this one time… this little kid started shoving PRETZELS up my ASS… I was like "DUDE WHAT THE CRUD ARE YOU DOING!" and all he said was "IM MAKING YOU MORE FLUFFY!"…

WHAT?

Why do you people INSIST on abusing poor little animals in the name of SCIENCE or… CUTENESS!…

I'm a real person too ya know… I like sex… BUT NO!

I cant do ANYTHING! ANYWHERE related to ANYTHING because its going to scare the kiddies…

THE STUPID KIDDIES ARE LAUGHING AT A RAT GETTING RANDOM OBJECTS INSERTED INTO HIM AND JOLTED WITH HIGH AMOUNTS OF ELECTRICITY!… THEY NEED MORE LOVE

Nope… no one will EVER get it though… I try to tell the doctor… but it turns out HALF OF THE STUFF HE DOES AT CHECK UPS ARE JUST THERE SO HE CAN STICK STUFF IN ME FOR FUN!

Would you like that?

I don't think you would…

And then there is the fact that I have to follow ASH around EVERYWHERE!

He thinks… "ooh I can read what Pikachu thinks… I know what he wants!"…

IM SICK OF BEING A PIKACHU!

I sit there begging for an upgrade and he cries and hugs me and acts all dramatic for the people around…

I beg for food and HE STOPS FOR THE NIGHT…

I ask him to let me go… AND HE HUGS ME!

That little fag better shut up and leave…

LIKE THE TIME HE THOUGHT I WAS ASKING HIM TO SHOVE FOOD DIRECTLY INTO MY STOMACH!

CRUD!… even the Pokecenter wasn't able to cure that without obsessive care and treatment… AND THEY GAVE ME BACK TO THE PRICK!

And then there are the times he throws me out into battles I NEVER AGREED TO!

I'm just sitting there MINDING MY OWN BUISINESS and suddenly POOF there pops out a LEVEL 80 CHARZARD…

And what does the prick do?

No he doesn't send any WATER pokemon out…

He doesn't even bother to send out any UPGRADED pokemon… I DOUBT HE HAS ANY!

Instead he just… THROWS ME AT IT… HOPING SOMETHING COOL AND PRETTY WILL HAPPEN!

But I usually fall over… almost die… AND HE JUST TAKES ME BACK TO THE POKECENTER!

He treats me like some kind of reusable condom…

AND THEN… there is this STUPID Smasher mansion…

KIRBY!… ARG! He swallows me SO MANY TIMES!

I'm SICK OF IT!

But since that's all Kirby does and he does that just randomly… lets talk about the FREAKS I have to put up with every day…

THERES JIGGLYPUFF!

Oh this freak wont stop SINGING!

It doesn't even put me to sleep… she just sits there… "OOH LOOK AT ME I CAN SING!"

Oh this freak needs to LEARN TO SHUT UP!

She talks all day and all night… the only reason she even has a chance during battles is because people get sick of her and KILL THEMSELVES!

My 'friends' tell me I'm acting too crazy…

YOU'D ACT CRAZY TOO IF YOU HAD KIDS DO VERY CREEPY 'EXPERIMENTS' ON YOU, ASH THROWING YOU AROUND LIKE A BITCH, AND SOME GIRL OBSESSED WITH YOU!

And Pichu… oh don't get me started on that suicidal, high pitched, stalking, RAPIST

He walks up to me all the time "DADDY LOOK AT ME".

FREAK! IM NOT IN ANY WAY RELATED TO YOU… WHY DO PEOPLE THINK WE ARE RELATED… "OOH THEY ARE BOTH THE SAME SPECIES!"

Would you say C. Falcon and Marth are related then… HUH?

"OOH BUT THEY ARE SOO CUTE!"

CUT THE CUTE CRAP OUT!

I am SO SICK of being classified as some freak with no brain and no life just because IM CUTE!

You would think this helps with the ladies but NO

They all think I'm some pure innocent MORON who CANT… ARG!

I FEEL SO ALONE IN THIS WORLD…

But oh well… then again

FRICKIN POKEBALLS!

Look… you cant have me just because you threw a red/white BALL AT ME!

Ok… one time this little FREAK ran up to me and threw a ball at me and laughed.

"YOU BELONG TO ME NOW" he shouted…

BUT I DON'T!

I just fried his brains out and left him for dead on the sidewalk…

BUT THEN 2 WEEKS LATER I GET A PHONE CALL FROM SOME FREAKY MOM WHO SAYS I AM THE SPAWN OF SATAN FOR DOING SUCH HORRORS TO HER SON…

WHAT!… YOUR SON JUST TRIED TO STEAL ME… SCREW YOUR SON…

But there was ALL KINDS of controversy… I was thrown away as being some freaky cute obsessed prick with no life… AND THEN THEY CALLED ME A NAZI!

WHY DO THESE PEOPLE THINK THEY CAN DO SUCH THINGS TO ME… I AM SICK OF BEING CONSIDERED PART OF THIS CROWED!

Why do I have so many groups thinking I suck so bad… THEY DON'T KNOW ME… WHENS THE LAST TIME YOU'VE MET SOMEONE WHO SPOKE PIKACHU… HUH?

MEWTWO IS THE ONLY ONE… AND HE JUST SUCKS SO THAT NEVER WORKS!

All I can say is screw you guys… I cant WAIT to get a hand on those nuclear weapons I ordered the other day…

And some day when you are all suppressed by the army of Pikachus… remember my words… and remember that cute things can STILL HAVE A LIFE!

* * *

YAY!

Well we are getting a feel of what life is like for the Smashers… and according to Pikachu… it sucks…

Maybe we can get some more positive outlooks from next times focus… FALCO!

So sit down… pretend you are somehow relaxed… and watch for more!

Did you like it… I did… this is fun to type… better than the old bore of SSBM ADVERTISEMENTS, or stupid SSBM GAME SHOWS…

Bleh… oh well…

R&R… Rest and Relaxation…


	2. Falco

**The Psycho Ward: SSBM Style!**

**Part 2.5324683468! (ooh!…again!)**

Disclaimer: I don't own flaming… I want to be flamed… PLEASE!… oh well…

Reviews:

Well I would go through names but… screw you…

You all seemed to like it… some of you made observations ("how can I read this if I don't speak Pikachu") well… basically… I went through the trouble of translating and posting it… so you didn't hear the way he would have said it in Pikachu… if you had heard it that way you would think he was being cute…

Ok now I plan on at least 30 chapters… and don't you dare ask how I'm going to get those very last ones finished… just know that that is my goal… meaning this may take up the entire school year… of course this is a fast update… so YAY!

* * *

(Falco) 

HEY!

I'M THE COOLEST!

The whole Star Fox team doesn't agree with me… but I'M SO AWSOME!

Katt… she's funny… I'm on a date with her… and she's like… "I'M NOT GOING OUT WITH YOU… I JUST LIKE IT WHEN YOU PAY MY BILLS!"

Haha… yes… well too bad I stole her credit card and that's what I use… YAY!

Of course Katt loves me!… she just doesn't know it yet… but I'LL MAKE HER KNOW IT!

Anyway… Fox doesn't seem to like me very much… he claims I'm rude… obnoxious… stupid… creepy…

He really doesn't like the fact that I go Fox hunting every other weekend… he was all "Dude fox hunting is WRONG!"

And I was all "oh come on… its fun… you should go"

And he was like "oh all right… I'll go…"

So we went Fox hunting… and I got this really big blue fox… and I started to cheer when Fox suddenly yelled.

"DUDE! THAT WAS KRYSTAL! YOU SUCK!… NOO!"

I don't know WHAT his problem was… but it was funny… sadly that blue fox lived and so I couldn't really… skin her… Fox wouldn't let me… so he kicked me out of the team for attempted murder… and sucking…

But I snuck into the database at night and changed it… so it looked like I left on my own… and I was all cool about it… CAUSE I RULE!

But then one time Fox was up there fighting Andross… and it was a REALLY epic battle… and I was like "I WANNA FIGHT TOO!"

So I got in some random Airwing I found… and it had tons of bombs… and I thought that it would be cool if instead of using them against Andross… I shot them to Fox… and let him use them…

So I flew up there… and I started launching my bombs at Fox… and he was like "DUDE STOP THAT!"

So he started dodging the bombs for some stupid reason… then one hit his wing and it blew off… he started screaming… Andross tried to kill me then… but slapped into an asteroid and died… but I snuck into the database at night again and made it look like I was all… REALLY helpful and stuff…

Then Fox decided he might as well let me back on the team… because I was… stalking him… and I basically lived in his closet the whole time I had been gone… the team says that's not right… but screw them man…

So me and Fox usually go out for joy rides… except he likes to call them "HOLY SHIT STOP THIS THING! YOU SUCK I SERIOUSLY SHOULD HURT YOU!"

I don't know WHY he would make something that long… but oh well… heehee… Fox is weird…

And then theirs the whole… Smasher Mansion or whatever…

One time me and Fox were hanging out… playing Fox's favorite game… 'try hit Falco with a bazooka'… I don't know why he likes it so much… but he does…

Anyway… Slippy ran in and he was like "DUDE YOU GUYS ARE ENVITED TO A TOURNAMENT!"

And I was all "YOU AREN'T COOL ENOUGH TO TALK TOO ME CAUSE I RULE!"

Slippy just gave me the bird… I think that's the best suck up I've ever heard about…

So me and Fox went to the Tournament… and I learned about this really cool deflector shield move… and I was like "DUDE THIS THING RULES!"

Then Peppy called me on that… weird thing… like… a walky-talky or something like that… either way it was Peppy… and he was like… "FALCO… SOMEONE IS PLANNING TO MURDER YOU!"

And I was all like "DUDE… YOU'RE OLD!… YOU CANT TALK TO ME…"

So after saying his regular "Suck it"… he left…

For some strange reason… I saw Fox planting something in my bathroom a week later…

Haha… silly Foxy… doesn't he know that I use his bathroom… not my own… either way… next time he figures that out could be kind of funny…

Of course… I'm like… totally… sad… because… well… its not that fun living half of your life in Fox's closet you know… every once in a while me and C. Falcon hang out… and he usually flexes muscles I didn't know were even humanly possible to exist… like 'biceps'… and 'triceps'… and 'brains'… well… either way… who uses a BRAIN anyway… ya know…

Then there's that Pikachu dude… I'm always walking around and sometimes I see him… and I'm like "OOH… WHO'S A GOOD BOY! YOU'RE A GOOD BOY… YES YOU ARE!… YOU'RE SOO CUTE…" usually he runs off screaming… I have no clue what his problem is…

My dentist tells me it isn't that good to use strands of lard as my toothpaste… I usually just tell him… "Lard is totally L33T M4N… PWND…"

Of course he also tells me I don't need to bother with floss… I don't know what his problem is… all my life I hear how great floss is… yet he always gets mad… he's like "YOU MORON YOU SUCK… AND DON'T FLOSS!"

And I'm like "THANKS… FLOSSING RULES!"

… I seriously don't think he has a clue in life… but me… I'm totally connected… like my… freaking friends… they tell me all kinds of cool tips about electronics… like…

"X-BOX ROX"

And then there's "JOO AND KATT R LIEK… AWSOM!11one!one!oneoneeleven"

Of course whenever Katt learns about that kind of stuff she's like… "I DON'T EVEN LIKE YOU!… I HOPE YOU DIE!"

Ahh Katt… she looks so sexy when she's pissed off…

Sometimes Fox and Krystal come home… and their like… touching each other… and I'm like… "DUDE… COOTIES!"

And Fox is like… "GET THE HELL OUT OF MY CLOSET FALCO!"…

Then Krystal usually leaves muttering something about a failed pipe bomb in my toilet…

But either way… I think I am like… the coolest member of the Star Fox Team… or like I like to call… SKA!

Of course whenever I tell anyone about the acronym they usually laugh at me… or give me the bird… or say stuff like… "DUDE… HOW DOES THAT MAKE SENCE!"

And I'm just like "THANKS!"

Then they just shut up for some stupid reason… I have no clue why…

One time a kid ran up to me… and he was like… "CAN I HAVE YOUR AUTOGRAPH!"

So I shot him in the eye… he stumbled around for a bit… then slammed into the ground bleeding out of his eye… I still don't know why…

And Fox was all "DUDE THAT'S RUDE… I'M CALLING THE COPS…"

Of course… the cops are all my buddies… because I usually hang out over there… you know… torture some criminals for fun… why does everyone look at me weird when I tell them that?… I think it's a fun game!… oh… and now… my cool exit…

(Falco drops a smoke bomb… then starts coughing badly… then ends up losing his virginity somehow and lays there unconscious)

* * *

YAY! 

Falco's view of SSBM is a bit nicer than Pikachu's… but he also tortures people for fun!

Maybe we can get a more sensible view on life from next time… WITH GANNONDORF!

So sit down… pretend you are somehow relaxed… and watch for more!

I love this thing so much… and since I already had most of it already thought up… I figured that I might as well do this…

I also have ideas for Pichu… after that we get into more… I actually have to think stuff…

But either way… I hope you like it… and stuff… don't you all think Falco is the coolest?

R&F… Read and Flam  
Check this out...I just made it like... only one line spaced... KEWL!


	3. Gannondorf

**The Psycho Ward: SSBM Style!**

**Part 3.1415... Yeah…**

Disclaimer: I don't own SSBM and all that crap so whatever…

Reviews:

Alright… you liked it… yeah yeah… good job…

You can all have 15 gold stars…

This is the end of the Foobar age… we shall miss it well…

What the crud can I say… well… REEL BIG FISH!…

What else…

NEWGROUNDS!… FOAMY!… that's it then…

* * *

(Gannondorf)

Oh… Why hello there… I'm Gannondorf!…

Some of you think I might be the most evil of all evil that ever lived… But that's just wrong!

I sit there minding my own business… ya know… ITS NOT EASY BEING A FRICKIN KING YA KNOW!

But NO! as I do my work… TWO LITTLE SHITS RUN UP AND START STEALING STUFF FROM ME!

Out of nowhere I get framed as a murderer… THEN the stupid king kicks me out… I'm Like WHAT THE HELL! DUDE!

So I try to come back in… the guards made it difficult so I was forced to burn them with the fires of a thousand evils… WHAT!…

The stupid king runs and out of nowhere I get blasted from some freak in a green tunic… ARG!… everyone just keeps cheering him on though… they're all like "YAY LINK YOU RULE!"

Yea… except for the fact that he's a frickin RAPIST!…

But NO! they just laugh and watch me get beaten the crud out of by some freak named Link…

So I sit there and try to run… BUT HE JUST KEEPS SLICING ME!…

In the end I get BANISHED… ARG!… why don't YOU try spending 100,000 years in everlasting whiteness… ARG!

I am SO pissed… But those two pieces of shit just keep ATTACKING!… did you know I get about 3 mailbox bombings a DAY… ARG!… they don't SHUT UP!

And then there's the effect it's had on the children!…

I was just walking down the street… MINDING MY OWN BUISINESS… when a little kid runs up to me and SHOOTS ME WITH A LIGHT ARROW!…

I sit there screaming trying to pull that shit out as he starts laughing…

"YAY I BEAT GANNONDORF!… I CAUSED HIM PAIN!…"

WELL DUH!… THERE'S A FRICKIN ARROW… IN MY LEG!…

But they always do that shit… and as the kid runs away in glee I was forced to slap him with a ball of evil and cause him to melt!…

But of course there are all the worried parents… OH NO!… IM A BAD INFLUENCE!…

What's a worse influence… SOMEONE WHO STABS ME WITH LIGHT ARROWS AND KILLS ALMOST EVERYTHING THAT MOVES… AND TORTURES COCCOOS!

Or someone who gets frickin abused the hell out of by two kids who seem as if they're on crack!

Then in SSBM mansion… I HATE THAT PLACE!

First thing: I have to fight that piece of shit Link…

Second thing: Everyone seems to think I'm about to steal Zelda…

Third thing: THEY PUT WEIGHTS IN MY CLOTHES IN ORDER TO STOP ME FROM JUMPING!… WHAT?… apparently I'd be cheap if it was physically possible to get back on the stage when knocked off!…

I sit there with no friends except some poser Mewtwo and Bowser… WHO I CAN'T EVEN TALK TO!

So all day in one ear goes little whines about being cool… and in the other ear I hear "ROAR! ROWR!"

Yeah… why don't you try to live with it…

Then there's Samus… yeah… never mind that her games are my favorite games… I PLAY THEM ALL THE TIME!… she still shoots me with a frickin charged up blast EVERY TIME SHE SEES ME!

I'm sorry… I seem to have gone a bit crazy over the fact that nobody loves me…

And I don't seem to like it when people break into my house…

WHAT IS SO BAD ABOUT THAT!…

I was just playing my organ enjoying myself when the prick ran in and beat me down with a SWORD!… I don't care if it's the Master Sword or not… IT FRICKIN HURTS!

So now I live in the mansion of PRICKS… and I have a parole officer that will get me in trouble if I even think about anything wrong… AND HE DOESN'T KNOW WHAT I THINK… SO HE THINKS I THOUGHT SOMETHING WRONG AND JUST BEATS ME WITH A HOME-RUN BAT!

But I'll get over it… And some day maybe move away from this hell-hole named Smasherville… WHAT KIND OF GAY NAME IS SMASHERVILLE ANYWAY!…

Oh… but one last thing that REALLY confuses me…

How the hell is Link suddenly able to defeat what is considered to be the ultimate power just by gaining the tri-force of… COURAGE!… I mean… knowledge can make some sense… and Power… well duh… BUT COURAGE… that just doesn't make sense… its just MIND BOGGLING!

Why cant I just live a normal life without some elf boy charging unafraid into my bathroom and treating it like some sort of courageous adventure?

And it's not like my land is any better… I mean… Gurudos must have been FRICKIN MORONS!… in all of the world that there was to settle… they picked a desert where people die every day just trying to go through a daily life!… WHO PICKS A FRICKIN DESERT LIKE THAT TO SETTLE!…

I mean crud… I try to go through to my castle… and get lost in the never-ending sandstorm… and how the HELL does that sandstorm keep up like that!…

And another shitty thing…

I LIVE IN THE MIDDLE OF NOTHING BUT GIRLS!… now one might think… "hey that's awesome!"

Well I have news for you… WHEN ONE GIRL FINDS SOMETHING OUT… AND GOSSIP FLYS EVERYWHERE!… AND THEY ALL WANT TO TELL YOU!… AND YOU DON'T HAVE ANY FRIENDS TO DO ANYTHING WITH… AND THEY ARE ALWAYS WANTING ROMANCE! AND WHAT THE CRUD! You wont like being surrounded by girls upon girls all giggling and talking and NEVER SHUTING UP!… and if you tell them to leave they just start whining and crying… DRILLING RIGHT INTO YOUR BRAIN!

That's why I practically lived in Hyrule… to get away from those freaks… I DON'T CARE IF OUR RACE DIES!… I AM NOT GOING BACK THERE!

But still… little kids from around the world run to me and try to kill me by whacking me with Light stuff… IT HURTS!… its nothing but a huge crowd of freaks slapping me with stuff… I CANT FEEL MY LEGS!

But maybe I'll get over it… I doubt… I just have to live in fear forever!

(Gannondorf would continue on this rant… but is suddenly stabbed in the eye with a Light arrow as a crowd of kids run over him laughing)

* * *

YAY!

Well it seems that Gannondorf's view on life is slightly paranoid… Silly Gannondorf!

Lets see if we can get a happier cuter version of life with our next guest… PICHU!

So sit down… pretend you are somehow relaxed… and watch for more!

Well… I must admit that was far from the best work… I know you will like Pichu's more… I really do know you will like him WAY more…

Goodbye then…

R&RRR… Read and Rape Retarded Reindeer (oh deer)

Claymation doesn't like me… because my three partners are LAZY!… don't look out for it… just know that I will warn you when we start making them…


	4. Pichu

**The Psycho Ward: SSBM Style!**

**Part!...  
(Find the solution)  
****4x+2y7x  
****y+7x-3**

**PICHU!**

Disclaimer: I don't own this freak… I don't want to own this freak… but I do own the work GOOG!

Reviews: (Bleh)

**Uhyeahitsteamdark**: HAHAHA!… thanks for the best laugh I have EVER HAD!… calling me knox… I wish… knox pwns the world… I am just a rip-off of knox… actually I don't even have my first claymation up yet… basically you can blame my dad and my three lazy partners… who I need to have with me to make this (cause they are crazy that way)… and my name will be… TheBlebildyQuartet

**RoyalFanatic**: Well… thinking Pichu will be sad or angry is the biggest mistake you've ever made… This guy seriously scares the crap out of me… but in a much eviler way then being sad or angry…

**Eternal Smasher**: I checked it out… it was good… good job… go to bed… thank you…

**Vicviper-pilot-S213**: Sure… but I would like you to know I am sick of true C. Falcon haters… almost as much as I am sick of foamy and knox bashers… but I will still bash him with all the might I know how… some day…

**Razzkat**: I HATE MY LIFE TOO!… LETS HAVE A HATING LIFE PARTY!… YAY!… oh that wanst you was it… bleh…

Well if you want news on anything… know that I hate people that hate people just because they have become successful, and ONLY because they have become successful… I hate it when someone becomes a stuck up snob in their success and eventually lose the success because they became snobs… but foamy haters are all just so pathetic…

"OOH FOAMY FANS VOTE 5 BEFORE WATCHING!"… no we watch and like it as usual and then vote 5... The thing is we probably watch it because its foamy… but not vote high for just that one fact… if I see a picture of foamy and he ISNT angry… and doesn't rant… and just kind of looses enthusiasm… then he gets a 2 or a 1 or maybe even a 0... Depending on how crappy it is… STOP LABELING ME!…

Ok then… there were some inside jokes in there… good job for me…

GOLD STARS!…

5 to everyone… 20 to everyone who liked it… 574356 to everyone who used exactly 3 U's in their review… (name included)

REEL BIG FISH!

* * *

(Pichu… happy)

I'M GOO-OO-OO-OO-OOG!

I'M THE SADISTICALLY HAPPY, CHILD RAPING, HAPPY GO CRAZY, USED A BASEBALL BAT ON YOUR MOM LAST NIGHT FREAK THAT LOVES TO PLAY WITH LITTLE CHILDREN!

Like the time!… a child asked if we could play… SO HE THREW A POKEBALL AT ME!… and I was like… OH THIS IS FUN!… SO I POPPED OUUT OF THE POKEBALL WITH A CHAINSAW AND SAWED OFF HIS LITTLE HEAD!

I have no clue why the children's mothers don't want them around me anymore!… I HAVE LOTS OF FUN!

One time I was rolling around on the floor… Pleasuring myself… YAY YAY PLEASURE HAY!… HAHAHAH!… anyway… suddenly an EGG POPPED OUT!

I was like… WHATS AN EGG DOING HERE!…

So I ripped it apart and ATE THE FETUS INSIDE!…

The Animal Rights activists tried to stop me!… SO I SHOCKED THEM!

HEHEHE!… WE CAN BE FRIENDS RIGHT?

IM A SADOMASOCHISTIC FREAK!… I HAVE A ROOM IN MY BASEMENT… AND I TORTURE LITTLE BABIES!

AND MY NAME IS GOOG!… YAY FOR GOO-OO-OO-OOG!

AND ONE TIME I ACTUALLY BOTHERED TO HELP OUT AT THE HUMANE SOCIETY… MY JOB WAS TO RAPE HURRICANE KATRINA VICTEMS!… IT WAS SO FUN!

One time… a HITMAN showed up in my house… and he was like "The government wants you dead" and I was all like… WHEE… LETS PLAY WITH DEATH!… so we played a game of jump rope… THEN I SHOT HIM!… HEHEHE!

I was at the doctors place… going through a regular check up once… he was like "Dude… you need to tie this turnicate around your ear…" and I was like… OKAY!… SO I TIED IT AROUND MY EAR!… NOW I HAVE HEARING ISSUES!… ISNT IT FUN!

WHEE!… DEATH IS SOO FUNNY!… ONCE I WAS AT A FUNERAL… AND I JUST COULDN'T STOP LAUGHING… ever have that happen to you?… everyone was like… "ooh shutup!"… SO I SHOT THEM!… HAHAHA! MADE A FUN TIME OUT OF A FUN SITUATION!… ME AND MY FRIEND PIKACHU BURRIED THIRTY-SEVEN BODIES THAT NIGHT!…

Of course Pikachu always seems to think I'm a freak…

THAT'S BECAUSE I AM!

YAY FOR FREAKS!

And guess what else…

I HAVE A FANFICTION ACCOUNT!

Its called… joebthegraet… THAT'S RIGHT!… WE ARE THE SAME!… AND WE GO OUT AND KILL BABIES AND EAT THEM!…

On Halloween… we go out and have the time of our lives stealing babies and shoving them into the Halloween bags… THEN SELLING THEM ON THE BLACK MARKET… if we haven't eaten them already…

WOOT WOOT!

Whenever Pikachu sees me walking down the hall he runs away screaming!… I LOVE SCREAMING!… it makes life so fun!…

Have I told you about the little city under my house!

THERE'S A GROUP OF PEOPLE THAT ARE ALL TINY THAT LIVE UNDER MY HOUSE!

I found them one day… THAT PLACE IS FUN!

And over there… the spiders are the sizes of couches and the couches are the sizes of spiders… BECAUSE OF THE LITTLE PEOPLE!

Murder makes for the best stories!… I always read over and over and over again all the parts where people are getting savagely stabbed… ITS SO FUN!

And then I roll around on my bed screaming in pleasure at the bloody gore!… THEN I GO KILL BABIES SO I CAN REINACT THE SEXY SCENE!

But people just tell me I'm downright evil… I'M NOT EVIL!… WHY WONT YOU SHOW SOME TOLERANCE AND HELP ME WORSHIP SATAN!

He isn't a bad guy… I find those horns quite… horny… AND THAT ISN'T BAD!

After all… Fluff in Fanfiction is what makes me spawn… AND THEN I SPAWN MY SPAWNS AND WE RAPE EACH OTHER!

I know… I scare myself too… And apparently I scare babies… I HATE WHEN BABIES START CRYING!… so I usually beat them into a coma and leave them for the parents… WITH A BOMB SHOVED IN THEIR GUT!

HAHAHA! HOW FUN!

(and with this… Pichu fell over with tears of joy in his eyes… and then suddenly caught fire because he freakin seriously scares the crap out of me… never write annoying fan fiction involving fluff… or obsessive Green Day advertising… IN the actual story… I mean seriously… I will send that freak after you…)

* * *

Umm…

I would shout yay… but I'm scared right now…

Seriously… that little freak is stalking me…

SOMEONE GET IT AWAY!…

ARG!…

And my grades are good…

And Reel Big Fish is good…

And I have been gone all day today… in Salt Lake City… Attending the 'arts'

Because that is part of being an Uber suck-up in Humanities…

SO GOOD NIGHT!…

And Foamy still rules…


	5. Dr Mario

**The Psycho Ward: SSBM Style!**

**Part 555!**

**Dr. Mario!**

Disclaimer: I only own half of my soul… so what makes you think I could possibly own SSBM?

Reviews: (For Aiur!… or however you spell that…)

**Uhyeahitsteamdark**: It's YOUR fault he does that… cause you're just so darn sexy…

**RoyalFanatic**: You are weir….d … weird… yeah…

**Eternal Smasher**: You didn't know anything… you cheated on that test…

**Razzkat**: I am not joebthegraet… IM JOEBTHEGREAT! And yeah… we are two completely separate people…

**Lacto3.1415**: no… no I will not continue…

**joebthegreat**: thanks for sticking up for me man… you rule… in fact… HAVE 500 GOLD STARS!

**Froggy Froop Frow**: Yeah… that game does rule… and I'm holding you… and I'm holding you… and I'm done…

**Nakoya**: Your mom's just plain flat creepy…

Did you all have a happy Halloween? I had a happy Halloween so who cares about you…

My GPA last term was a 3.904… so take that everyone who called me crazy! (my GPA last year was in the 0 range)

Oh and sorry for the delay… one of my stories (They've Invaded) has been going slow… and I cant work on any of my stories when I'm stuck on one…

And I found an awesome video… but I wont tell you about it because I don't care about you…

GOLD STARS!…

5 to everyone…

20 to everyone that bothered to say something in the actual review…

50 to everyone that said something helpful and/or nice about this…

-10 to everyone who spoke in German and thought I would somehow understand the review…

REEL BIG FISH! (and Psybot on Newgrounds!)

(Dr. Mario… Or as he likes to say… 'Dr. MaRi0)

YAY!

* * *

EVERY DAY'S A PARTY! 

I love to dance and play and all of that fun stuff!

What about you?

My pills are SOO good… I get stoned for hours on those babies!

I love them so much… but why does everyone consider my shoving pills down their throat a bad thing?

WHO CARES!

WHEE!

I love Eagleland!… We dance and have a huge party ALL NIGHT LONG!

IM DANCING!

Once I even shot Mr. Rodgers in the leg!… oh wait…

I HATE THE SSBM TESTS!

They are SO HARD!… You'd have to be a brain surgeon to get those questions right…

AND WHAT DO YOU THINK I AM!

I only use the 'Doctor' front to sell my trippy pills… OR SIMPLY SHOVE THEM DOWN YOUR SCREAMING CHILD'S BODY AS HE THEN GOES LIMP AND PUKES OUT BLOOD!

That's where being a doctor comes in handy!

The boss says if I'm not a real doctor then I need to stop operating on Pichu in the basement… says I'm giving him mental problems…

PICHU IS SANER THAN YOU!

Besides… What could make the boss possibly think I'm not a doctor…

I love going to the hospital!

I go in there and all the people are like 'ooh look it's the best man that ever lives!'

And so I start dancing… And making soup out of the old people… and selling it under the name Chicken Noodle Soup…

Once a young child on his death bed asked for his last wish that I would operate on him… now THAT'S a kid with no life WHATSOEVER! But I did…

It turns out the lungs aren't meant to hold fertilizer… so the doctors got mad when I tried to grow my own garden on his dieing corpse…

THEN… I FOUND AN AWSOME PLUG!… so I pulled it!… and that kid died… YAY!

Everyone at the Smasher Mansion seems to hate me… and everything about me!

Like when I offered to fix Mario's Pancreas… he was all… 'DUDE!… BACK OFF!… NOTHING IS BROKEN INSIDE OF ME!… AND I'D PREFER A REAL DOCTOR… AND I HATE YOU!'

Well… I couldn't let that be… SO I TOOK HIM AND STABBED HIM WITH A KITCHEN FORK AND THEN HUNG HIM OFF OF THE MANSION!… then I was done with the operation and let his strangely living corpse down…

I DO ALL THAT WORK FOR THE SMASHERS AND YET THEY STILL HATE ME!

But that's all right… as long as we're having a party!

Once I was holding a party at the Fountain of Dreams!… but no one showed up…

Then a bunch of people came and were like 'Lets kill him'

And I was like 'YAY A PARTY!'

And then Mr. Saturn came out of no where… so I SHOVED HIS HEAD UNDER THE WATER UNTIL HE STOPPED STRUGGLING!

Then everyone seemed to back away horrified…

People don't seem to trust me when I tell them… BLEHHLAK… they say it isn't natural… I think natural medicine is the BEST!

I once shoved fifteen pounds of Marijuana down some patients throat… He had just wandered in asking 'what's the time'… you know the type… didn't even seem to know it was a hospital… sure was lucky he came in though… CAUSE WE HELD A PARTY USING HIS BODY AS THE REFRESHMENTS!

My friends always tell me stuff like 'I'M NOT YOUR FRIEND… BACK THE HELL OFF!' and 'ARG… YOU'RE EVIL!'… ha ha… funny guys…

I can even tell the heart beat of someone without a stethoscope!… WHY DO YOU LOOK SO SURPRISED THAT I ACTUALLY KNOW WHAT IT'S CALLED!… either way… I am such a good doctor… I don't even use a stethoscope… I JUST RIP THEIR HEART OUT AND USE THAT!… it also makes a good beat when you hold it up to a loud speaker… until it runs out of batteries… or whatever the hell charges those…

I don't know why the guy who gets his heart ripped out never seems to feel like partying… I mean… Its YOUR beat… so dance to it!… but they usually just go to sleep in the MIDDLE OF THE SONG!… fine… just be that way… Its obviously a fake sleep because nothing you do will ever wake them up… spoiled brats…

Kids always ask me delightful questions too… like 'Why did you just kill mommy' or 'What are you doing in my house at three in the morning'… Silly kids have no clue what their talking about…

And I've held parties in the Smasher Mansion itself!… but usually a posse of like… 20 people all come to stop it… and no one I invited came… and the one wanderer into the room is sleeping… no clue why… and I have a bloody heart in my hand… trying to shove batteries into it to somehow start it up again…

DON'T LABEL ME!

I think the humor stories on fan fiction dot net are like… my kind of humor man!… I LOVE those…

But no one seems to truly hold the significance of doctors…

IT DOESN'T TAKE A ROCKET SCIENTIST TO FIGURE OUT IM NOT A BRAIN SURGEON!… IT TAKES A BRAIN SURGEON!

But usually my competition ends up dead in a frying pan… no clue why…

SO LETS ALL HAVE A PARTY!… YAY!

(with this… Doctor Mario jumps out the window behind him, falls three stories, and lands on Kirby… popping him instantly)

* * *

I wrote most of this while at home… before school… and my internet was down… ARG! 

YAY!

(Next up will be… C. Falcon)

I lost your virginity… but not mine… I keep mine in a bottle!

Umm… ok then…

Grades:

A  
N/A  
A  
A  
N/A  
A  
A  
A

And… R&SEWITCWYB… Read and Say Evil Will Interfere Too Consistently With Your Butt…

AT LEAST I HAVE A BUTT!


	6. C Falcon

**The Psycho Ward: SSBM Style!**

**Part 666!**

**C. Falcon!**

Disclaimer: no… just… just no…

Reviews: yeah yeah blah blah ha ha repeat repeat…

**joebthegreat**: you are the best author I have ever read… you are so hilariously funny… keep it up you pwnanator… person…

This needs updates… I am slow at those due to school… and a practically failing attempt at finding a CAMERA for my claymation… because the girl who was letting my use her camera got all pissed off about a stick! ARG!

Well… I'm still happy! Or am I? DUN DUN DUN!

Buy Freedom Fighters… it will forever change your life…

And my favorite movie of all time is: Octane…

GOLD STARS!…

5 to everyone…

94 to all who kiss my name before going to bed tonight…

73 to all flamers…

-14 to the generic people who like me… (a.k.a. almost everyone in the review area)

REEL BIG FISH! (and Psybot on Newgrounds!)

* * *

(C. Falcon) 

ARG!

STOP WITH THE NAME CALLING ALREADY!

LOOK!… what the hell have I EVER done to make you act all shitty towards me?…

YOU SIT THERE AND LAUGH ALL DAY AT ME CALLING ME A RETARD AND A PERVERT!

How did any of you ever come up with the idea that I'm some perverted freak with no life?

WHAT DID I DO?

Its just so crappy… all day I sit there just doing what I like to do… racing… working on my car… exercising… AND YOU PRICKS HAVE TO COME IN AND START MAKING FUN OF ME!

don't ANY of you get it… I AM JUST A NORMAL PERSON TRYING TO GET BY IN LIFE!

So sure… maybe I'm successful… sure… maybe I am a bit strong… BUT DOES THAT MAKE ME THE NEXT HITLER?

I swear… If I go through the mansion and see Gannondorf yelling at me saying I'm a weakling that stole his moves but doesn't deserve it, or Zelda telling me to back off because I don't deserve her when I HAVN'T EVEN BEEN COMING ON TO HER! Then I may just have to go to you, the fan fiction author that just seems to hate me, AND KILL YOU!

I go to bed… people come in and HURT ME FOR NO REASON! I go to eat something at the kitchen… PEOPLE START IGNORING THE FACT THAT KIRBY IS EATING THE WHOLE AREA AND CALL **ME **A PIG!

I go to the shower… PEOPLE CALL ME A PERVERT AS THEY SIT THERE WATCHING ME GET NAKED!

Well I have one question… WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING IN MY SHOWER CALLING **ME **PERVERTED?

God damn… people just cant take a hint!

They seem to not realize… that not only CAN I kick their asses… BUT I HAVE KICKED THEIR ASSES MANY TIMES BEFORE!

What the hell makes you think that YOU can be insanely awesome… AND I CANT!

You go off being some shit head like you always are… and then look at me when I'm not being some shit head like you and start YELLING AT ME!… YOU SAY I HAVE PROBLEMS? NO… YOU HAVE THE MENTAL ISSUES!… YOU GET OVER HERE AND TELL ME IT'S AS EASY AS YOU THINK!

CRUD!…

I win a race… you tell me it isn't all that great…

You win a video game… THEN HATE ME BECAUSE I DON'T SEEM TO THINK IT'S ALL THAT GREAT!

Tell you what… learn to ACCEPT the truth… THEN MAYBE YOU WILL SHUT THE HELL UP ABOUT ME!

Why do you think I'm sick… BECAUSE I WEAR SPANDEX!… WHAT?… YOU TRY RACING IN THE KIND OF SHIT I DO AND NOT WEAR SPANDEX!… you want to know what will happen?

YOUR LOOSE CLOTHES WILL GET CAUGHT ON SOMETHING THAT YOU DON'T WANT IT TO GET CAUGHT ON! THEN YOU WILL GET SUCKED IN AND EITHER EXPLODE… OR GET SHREDDED! I ACTUALLY HOPE YOU COME ONTO A RACE TRACK WITH ME AND TRY WEARING LOOSE CLOTHES!

There is such a thing as a DRESS CODE!

Or is your head SO FAR up your ass that you don't even seem to realize WE AREN'T ALL DUMBASS HIPPIES!

Some of us actually bother to follow the rules… AND I'VE WON THAT WAY! But do you recognize that… NO! YOU DON'T REALIZE A THING THAT I DO GOOD!

(Pulls out a newspaper with him on the front page and starts reading)

APPARENTLY THIS IS WHAT YOU THINK OF ME!

"C. Falcon is the most overrated character of all time"… SAYS THE 86PERCENTOF PEOPLE WHO HATE ME!

WELL… IF THAT MANY PEOPLE HATE ME… HOW THE HELL AM I OVERRATED! WHAT THE HELL IS YOU'RE PROBLEM!

You don't seem to realize… PICHU IS CRAZIER THAN ME… PIKACHU IS CRAZIER THAN ME… FALCO IS CRAZIER THAN ME! WHY DO YOU LOVE THEM MORE THAN YOU LOVE ME!

WHAT? YOU LIKE THEM FOR THEIR ABILITY TO BE CRAZY!… ISN'T THAT THE REASON YOU SAY YOU HATE ME?

I have a new idea… I'm going to go around to everyone's house… and all those who scream in horror and think that they are going to get raped and tortured by a retard… I'LL GIVE THEM WHAT THEY WANT!

BITCH!… I'LL STEAL A DILDO AND GIVE YOU THE PAIN YOU WONT SHUT UP ABOUT!

And to all those who say "hey" or "cool"… WELL… I'LL GIVE THEM $50!

You know… I have had experiences where I got within 50 feet of a girl… SO SHE SCREAMED AND KICKED ME IN THE NUTS AND RAN AWAY CRYING!… AFTER THAT I GOT SENT TO JAIL!

Then I get charged with attempted rape!… AND THEN I GET LABELED AND ALL THE TIME GIRLS WILL RUN UP TO ME AND KICK YOU IN THE NUTS! AND ALL THE TIME I GET RAPE CHARGES!

WHY DON'T **YOU** TRY KEEPING YOUR SANATY WITH THAT KIND OF SHIT EVERY DAY!

Once a kid even ran up to me and SHOT ME THERE!… fortunately I've learned… and I always wear a cup now… BUT HE WAS DANCING AROUND AS IF HE HAD SAVED THE UNIVERSE!

So I was forced to rip his head off!

I get a call later from his mom saying… "HEY YOU KILLED MY SON!… YOU'RE SICK!"… UMM… WHAT THE HELL WAS YOUR SON DOING WITH A GUN!

The dumb ass parents don't seem to realize that… THEY SHOULDN'T BE LETTING THEIR CHILDREN NEAR ME! OR HAVE GUNS! OR ANYTHING… IF THEY ARE SO SCARED OF ME WHY DO THEY KEEP DOING SHIT TO ME?

Let me ask you another question…

I'F I'M SO RETARDED… THEN HOW THE HELL DO YOU THINK I MANAGED TO WIN SO MANY F-ZERO RACES?

It isn't a retard sport…

But oh well… I guess it's time for me to go door to door and see what they want!

(pulls out a HUGE dildo and walks off screen with an insane glare in his eyes)

* * *

YAY! 

Well now that we know what the life of being a Smasher is like for C. Falcon… Lets see if Roy can give us a less retarded and perverted version!

(somewhere out there… C. Falcon flinches in pain)

Heehee!

I actually like C. Falcon… not as a SSBM character though… I cant use him very good in SSBM…

But I do like the fact that he is so crazy… and feel sorry for his insane underrated…ness

GRADES:

All A's… so ha…

Umm… that's it then…

R&U… Read and Utter something very nasty


	7. Roy

**The Psycho Ward: SSBM Style!**

**Part _7_89!**

**Roy!**

Disclaimer: I don't own stupid people

Reviews: burp!

**joebthegreat**: YAY!

I don't love you…

Buy Freedom Fighters… stop putting it off… that's a cool game…

I'm now going to slit my wrists for the sake of making you all laugh…

(slit)

GOLD STARS!…

5 to everyone…

99.99 to all who hate me

100 to all who like me

123456 to the people who spammed my forum…

Heh that's cool… this thing has taken a LONG time to update… I cant believe everything that's happened in such a short time… like that baby rape case! (I've been putting this off due to the fact that I don't really know what to do for Roy's speech…)

REEL BIG FISH!

* * *

(Roy)

Umm… HI!

I'm here to tell you about my life… and… what I like… and stuff…

Umm…

I'M NOT A BORING PERSON!…

I like to watch fire… what?…

I'M NOT A PYROMANIAC! I JUST LIKE FIRE!

What else do I like?…

Umm…

Swords are kind of cool… If they're on fire…

And… I like doing my hair… with fire…

WHAT?

I LIVE A NORMAL YET NOT BORING LIFE!

I… play video games… sort of… a little… when I feel like it…

And… why are you laughing at me?

I really do have a life…

See… my life is like a fire… it went out a long long time ago and now there's nothing anyone can do…

I'M SO ALONE!

All I ever do is look at my hair and wonder how I can make it look even better!

Staring at fire until my retinas sting and I cant see for days… THAT'S MY WHOLE LIFE!

SOMEBODY HELP ME! I DON'T HAVE ANYTHING TO DO!

I sit there and read my fan mail sometimes… but that's just creepy… I'll show you some…

_Dear Roy,_

_OMG I CANT BELEVE IM TAKING TOO YOOOOO!11!111!1111!111oneoneeleven1_

_YOU ARE TEH HOTZORZ!_

_-Jennifer (your tru love…zorz…)_

AND THAT'S ONE OF MY BETTER ONES! JUST LOOK AT THIS!

_Dear Roy,_

_I'm watching you… take your clothes off… and nobody gets hurt…_

_-Mr. Maggot_

AND I ACTUALLY FOUND SOMEONE HIDING IN THE TREE IN MY BACKYARD THAT DAY!

Thanks to people like this… I can't get on the internet… so that whole section of my life is destroyed!

The TV?… THERE'S NOTHING LEFT ON THE TV WORTH WATCHING! JUST LOOK AT THIS!… THIS IS AN ACTUAL SHOW ON TV NOW:

_Welcome back to… THAT SEXY GAME CHANNEL!_

_We play games… or just say we do while we make very bad sexual jokes… and by bad… WE MEAN ANNOYING!_

_(also look for hints on how to scar children for life)_

I MEAN… I CANT WATCH TV WHEN THAT'S THE KIND OF CRAP THAT COMES ON!

So all I have then would be Video games…

But then there's the Xbox… taking everything over…

And… ALL MY FUN GAMES ARE SINGLE PLAYER… AND SINGLE PLAYER GET'S REALLY BORING AFTER A WHILE!

So all I have left is fire… and my hair…

BUT I CANT KEEP THAT KIND OF LIFE UP FOR 16 HOURS STRAIGHT!

I feel like the kind of person who would bring a bomb to school and kill people… I DON'T WANT TO DO A SUICIDE BOMBING!

And then… the worst part of all… is this… EMO kids wont stop making everyone think I'm like them!

I try to leave my house… and some IDIOT runs up and slaps me and calls me a EMO mother f-censor the next paragraph-

WHY MUST THE WORLD BE SO CRUEL?

… and boring too…

…

I'm just… so… BORED…

I don't have the internet… I don't have TV… I don't have gaming… I cant leave my house…

I HATE LIFE!

Seriously… how would you feel in this story… everyone around has interesting personalities… and they make people laugh… and they get famous… AND THEN YOU POP UP AND NO ONE LIKES YOU BECAUSE YOU ARE BORING AND UNLOVED!

You'd think that I'd be loved… you know… after all… I am Roy… I'm hot… BUT PEOPLE JUST GET ON MY NERVES WHEN THEY WONT STOP TALKING ABOUT THAT!

I guess I should talk about life in the Smash Mansion then…

It sucks… the princesses are whiney shits… C. Falcon keeps pointing at me and calling me 'oppressive' even when I haven't done anything… Marth seriously scares me…

So I guess that's my life…

IT SUCKS!

Can someone please help me…

Maybe… if we work together… and stop writing bad Roy/Marth fan fictions… and stop talking about me… just MAYBE I'll get back on the internet and have a reason for living!

AND DON'T YOU CALL ME A GEEK!

I still have hundreds of words left to say if I'm going to make a full chapter…

That just proves how boring I am…

Life just seems so… repetitive…

Actually… it's kind of fun to burn my retinas with fire from time to time… it might hurt… but at least it's something to do…

I don't know… you'd expect a pyromaniac like me to be a bit more crazy… yeah… I admit it… I'm obsessed with fire…

At least it gives me SOMETHING to do…

(Roy then lights his hair on fire… it then burns his head off… then his whole body melts as screams of horrific pain and agony can be heard in France… although that's because of something entirely unrelated to what's happening to Roy)

* * *

YAY!

Look… shut up… I didn't have a single thing I could really think of for Roy… so the only real thing I'm happy for in this chapter is… at least I got him out of the way…

But don't worry… next up is Ness… and his will be HILARIOUS!… I can already promise you that…

thanks to a certain someone who I will point out in my next chapter… I know you'll go check him out after you read what the idea is…

Actually… it's Mafia Boss 4EVR

Just go check him out… he's written 2 stories so far… and just ignore his odd swearing fetish… for it will pass (I just know he's gonna slap me for that)

So yeah… Ness is next… it will be cool…

And my life would be as boring as Roy's… but I have the internet… and I don't have to worry about crazy fans… or _anyone _who likes me for that matter…

R&R… Read and Review telling me how much you hated it…


	8. Ness

**The Psycho Ward: SSBM Style!**

**Part _88888888_!**

**Ness!**

Disclaimer: I don't own the word "Disclaimer"

Reviews: asdfghjkl;

**joebthegreat**: you are the most offensive piece of garbage I've ever seen!

Ok…

GOLD STARS!…

5 to everyone…

123 to whoever banned my story…

1234 to anyone who tells me who banned by story and gives me a gun…

12345 to the people who have no hair…

I'd like to say that my intensely hateful self is starting to reappear… so summer should be fun for the COOL ones among you who don't take offense to EVERY SINGLE WORD! Basically… I'm not as tolerant as I used to be with some of you…

Also… SPREAD THE WORD OF THE KAZZJAFF!

Heh… I like this one… but it's been so long since it was recommended to me… **_thanks to MafiaBoss4EVA_**

REEL BIG FISH! (or Psybot on newgrounds of course...)

* * *

(Ness)

WHEEE!

I am soo horny right now! AND I JUST GOT DONE RAPING A FISH TOO!

What? It's not like I'm not natural or anything!

I'm just a kid that knows how to enjoy his life!

Sheesh… you're all so uptight! Relax!

Man, I saw a girl once… she was a 363.92 out of 10!

What that means is, she was SEXY!

Well… ok, when I tried to talk to her, she wouldn't stop staring at my big head… but I couldn't stop staring at her big boobs! SO EVERYTHING WORKS OUT!

YAY!

I just LOVE my life, so many girls, so much time…

And even if they don't like me, that's what THIS is for! (Ness pulls out a gun) It comes in handy when girls don't realize where their place is in life!

Ok, so some people/psychiatrists/parents/rape victims/judges/juries/presidents/congressmen/lawyers have called me sick, but I think they're just jealous!

I mean, who WOULDN'T want to have a law in 46 states stating that I get shot in the "leg" if I even get near another woman/girl/cross dresser/TV screen/magazine and girls scream whenever you talk to them? Seeing as how I live in Japan, and how that's normal in Japan, I sure don't!

C. Falcon is always asking me how I have more fans than him when I broke out of Prison 32 times and was usually raping someone AS I did it…

All I can say is…

Girls like a man of danger… PLUS I can multitask!

What can C. Falcon do? All he does is race professionally!

Man, just give me a picture of someone… and I can use my incredible mind powers to rape their brain! Although usually the side effects of doing that to someone includes spasms/seizures/MAJOR head trauma/death… but THE LAW WILL NEVER GET IN THE WAY OF MY LOVE!

Some people wonder what I think of the girls of SSBM… well I can sum it up in 10 words…

There aren't nearly enough SSBM women to satisfy my urges!

There's Samus, but she's just too… Sci-fi, it's kinky at times, but when I'm not in the mood to rape a robot, I just can't do it… plus she has a gun and screams whilst beating the living shit out of me whenever I try to get within 10 miles of her… I still don't know how she does that…

There's Peach, but she's too royal… It can be kinky too, but do you have ANY idea how many guards stay with her now that they know about me? She keeps 26 guards with her at ALL times… EVEN IN THE SHOWER! Man… I wish I was one of her guards against someone even more… 'tolerant' than I am…

Then we get to Zelda, she's also royal… even if her kingdom lacks any form of a capable military, she has LINK! That guy nearly killed my minime! Plus it kills the mood when Link's around… that freaky elf just creeps me out…

Jigglypuff… well… she's just weird… I've raped her before… but after the first 136 times it just lost its fun… I mean, what's the use of raping if there gets to be no struggle at all… all she ever does is sing, and that just makes it even LESS fun…

Oh man… I just wish I wasn't on the list for 10 biggest threats to the security of U.S.A.

I mean… all I do is teach people how to have fun!

WHAT HAVE I EVER DONE THAT'S WRONG!

Another problem would be the fact that almost every Smasher likes to pretend I don't exist, they've all been scared off by my liberal ways… those intolerant bastards!

So now I just have to stalk the streets at night… sadly, no one even goes out at night anymore… absolutely NO ONE after 9 PM… and before then there are too many soldiers patrolling every back ally known to man…

I basically live in the Smash Mansion… the only place the cops don't look for me in… but the Smashers all hit me whenever I get too close… so basically I live a life of getting hit and/or running from the cops…

Oh well… you, the reader, if you're a girl… know that I'm 'busy' right now looking at you as you read this story… little do you know… that I have psychic powers and can rape your brain whenever you look at something I've written!

THAT'S RIGHT! I'M RAPING YOU WHETHER OR NOT YOU KNOW ABOUT IT!

Man… I feel SOOO horny right now though… I haven't had enough fun since 5 minutes ago… MAN, I NEED SOMETHING!

(with this, Ness runs over to the wall and starts to take off his cloths, but before he's even near finished the wall falls over on top of him, his big head saves him, but then puss starts leaking out of it… drowning the poor rapist)

* * *

I tried to keep it T rated… even if this was offensive and nasty… at least I didn't describe anything… I just kind of mentioned one or two bad words… but nothing I find to be M rated…

I just KNOW someone's gonna be a piece of shit and ban this…

ANYWAY

Good grades… blah…

My Debate team was in the top 3 in the regional championships, so we're gonna go to the state championships!

Sorry for updating so slowly… but I have 3 major English assignments, a Debate project, and a World Civ. project (in which my partner doesn't even DO anything…)

And why do you think you're smarter than me again? Because you know SOME words/phrases in a different language? All of which are insults? All of which would sound pathetic if translated into English? Oh of COURSE that makes you smarter than me!

I really hate pricks that brag about their smartness… well… it's not so much bragging as it is the whole attitude I've seen some of them get (I'm not talking about you A Jew00). I only bragged so much because it surprised me…

I also hate people who are so bent on hating someone JUST because that someone is smart… you're being an idiot if you do that…

I'm an idiot… and I don't like posers who make themselves into idiots… THERE ARE ENOUGH IDIOTS DOWN HERE ALREADY!

And no… you aren't cultured… stop thinking you are… anyone who looks back at a time WAY before ours is NOT cultured… just too pathetic to think of a new idea…


	9. Mewtwo

**The Psycho Ward: SSBM Style!**

**Part 9 and 3/4!**

**MEWTWO!**

Disclaimer: I don't own the stupid people who hate fan fiction…

Reviews: asdfghjkl;

**joebthegreat**: you suxorz!

Ok…

GOLD STARS!…

5 to everyone…

199 to whoever likes me

1999 to every mouse on the planet

12345 to the people who don't like my fetish's mom… or me for that matter… or my hairstyle…

LALALALA!

I like your mom… a bit too much maybe…

SPREAD THE WORD OF THE KAZZJAFF!

**_thanks to MafiaBoss4EVA_** for the Mewtwo idea… I kind of had this in the back of my head… but he gets the credit…

ICP! (Reel Big Fish has to sit in the back seat for a while… besides… ICP is rap… perfect for this chapter)

* * *

(Mewtwo) 

YO YO YO!

What's up mah nigzorz!

I be in da house!

Yo! I was all up in there, ya know what I'm saying!

I've made a little rap about my hardcore life… I think you'll like it, and if not… feeble you!

I was born in the year of seventy something  
I don't really know, but at least I've got my bling  
Ok, maybe some of it was given to me from my creators  
But so what man, you ain't got no reason to be madzorz!

When growing up inside that test tube  
I realized just how cool it was to call people 'noob'  
I also learned just how cool I was  
Cause... I just did, what… (yo)

I've been shot ninety times although that was by a camera  
You can't say nothing cause you don't know my street samurai  
And me and my posse of wigga foo's  
Are about to shoot you and your mothers too

Wasn't that the most hardcore rap you've ever heard!

I'm impressed, you know… growing up on the streets of… well… it was a test tube… but I'm still gangster!

I only had a twenty dollar allowance growing up… I know what you're thinking… "ooh that's not bad" but guess what… it was only twenty dollars a WEEK! Not any of that daily payment like some of those privileged foos… yo…

Me and my posse go around terrorizing the streets and stuff… yo!

Ok, some of them don't really admit if they're in my posse… you know…

Like that Fox dude… he's always like "Stop trying to steal my car!"

And I'm like "Stop locking it! I'm trying to be a gangster! YOU are ruining my style!"

He usually pulls a gun after that… I'm the gangster! My homies pull guns on me just like other real gangsters and stuff!

I usually go to jail for hardcore charges like 'exposing yourself in public' and stuff… that's a real manly and gangster charge!

I also go there for stuff like… trying to get shot by a cop… pretending to use drugs in front of kids in order to get them to think you're cool… and "dolerite"… I don't know what that means though…

Man… I'm so gangster… one time… I got a 0.156 GPA! I bet you can't get grades like that… cause you just aren't a gangster…

I even plan on making a video game about me… it'll be original, like all rap CDs are… 'Mewtwo's hardcore gangster street activity that isn't legal'

I'm popular among the ladies, they like gangsters like me… with the big house… and posse… and drugs… and guns… and stuff like that…

My life's hard though, yo check it out…

Whenever I publicly state that I'm gonna kill someone, or sell some drugs somewhere, the cops have to be all up in there with their nazi systems and stuff. Man, just cause I admit to a crime doesn't mean you have to take me seriously and whatnot.

Yo, I really hate those racist intolerant politicians too, that's why I don't vote, I want my voice to be heard… and I can't do that unless I'm at a recording studio or something… which I try…

I hang with Gannondorf from time to time, yo, he's a straight up G.

I'll be like "Hey my homepage!"

And he's like "shut the crap up you faker!"

And I'm like "dude! That was the shiznit!"

Then he pulls a gun on me, which once again proves how gangster I truly am.

In fact I feel like rapping again… hey? Why are you shaking your head like that?

Well too bad…

Rappin hardcore is my whole life  
I like to rap about how I beat my wife  
What? It's perfectly legal, in seventeen states  
I'm a gangster in here with my homie Bill Gates!

Uh… check check it…  
Uh… yeah… YO!  
Uh… check check… yeah…  
YO YO YO YO YO YO!  
Uh… yeah…  
Uh… yeah… check check… YO!  
YO! YO! YO!  
YOYOYOYO!  
Uh…

I'm so hardcore…  
Check it out…  
More mystical then folk lore…  
And just as sexy as a girl scout…

YO!

Now tell me you don't think that was a cool rap song!

I thought the uhs and the yeahs went well with the checks…

Ok then yo… I'm gonna like… teach yo how to be down wit me and my posse… cause kids will always ask me stuff… well… not really… those snot nosed bastards don't even know who I am… can you believe this ignorance… yo… I'm gonna kill one of them some day… me and Gannondorf were talking about that once man…

He was like "I'm gonna kill these kids!"

And I was all "I hear ya"

And so he said "Why am I even talking to you?"

And I was all "Yo, we be homies remember?"

And he was like "I hate you!"

I'm talking about good times with my posse… YO!

Alright then… yeah… I'm gonna teach you how to be down with my posse then… show you how to be cool like us… you know what I'm saying…

Oh wait… I hear my mom calling then… see you homies soon then… you know what I'm saying… yeah man… yo… she sounds pissed!

I gotta go then… some hardcore shit's going down… you know what I'm saying…

* * *

YAY! 

Ok then… that was me being a gangster… a REAL hardcore gangster! You know what I'm saying… yeah yo!

Ok then… if you actually got it then good for you… If you're busy saying how much you hate rap and think that this gangster thing wasn't funny because it involved a kind of music that your intolerant view of tolerance wont accept then fine… you're only pissing yourself off with that kind of thinking…

And I don't want to hear this:

"oh, I don't like rap… but I'm tolerating this chapter because it was kind of funny… it's just my personal dislike for rap…"

Look… I don't really care whether or not you like it… I'm just using it… and you shouldn't treat rap any differently than if I was making fun of death metal, EMO, or Elvis…

Sorry… I'm using logic… I'll shut up…

Well… whatever…

R&REED! Read and Rape Ethnical Elephant Dung!


	10. Y Link

**The Psycho Ward: SSBM Style!**

**Part 1 plus 0 equals 10**

**Y. Link!111111111111**

Disclaimer: I don't own my own pathetic ownership of nothing…

Reviews: hullo

**joebthegreat**: I wish you would just go away!

YAY!

GOLD STARS!…

5 to everyone…

-1 to those who like me

-2 to those who hate me

-99 to anyone who leaves without at least giving me a review

SPREAD THE WORD OF THE KAZZJAFF… STILL!

_**Thanks to myself!**_

ICP!

* * *

(Y. Link) 

AHH!

What… WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE!

Oh… OK good… It's just you…

I was scared that it might be someone… someone different… you know…

What do you mean you don't know!

Can't you tell man? They're everywhere!

Something's out to get me… I just know it!

And you can stop laughing at me… How do you think you'd feel if you went through life with EVERYTHING wanting to eat you?

I wake up one day, and some tree eats me! Then after fighting through that and getting out of the forest, some girl named 'Malon' tries to eat me! I had a huge fish try to eat me! And… and… whenever it gets dark… AH MAKE THE EVIL DARK CREATURES GO AWAY!

They're all over the place… all kinds of monsters! I just sit there getting hurt… and all I have is some fairies! You might say "oh fairies make everything ok"

… HA!

Do you have any clue what the lifespan of a fairy stuck in a bottle is! Five minutes!

And don't think that these weird monsters are the only things that try to eat me! Chairs have tried to eat me! Every fat person on the planet has tried to eat me! The keyboard tried to eat me! So I had to break it and get a new one!

Other Smashers say I'm just hallucinating… that this is all in my head…

SHUT UP!

This stuff is REAL man… it's REAL!

Green things are coming after me… and I honestly don't know what to do!

Somebody… ANYBODY! HELP ME!

I just want it all to go away! WHY WONT IT GO AWAY!

Whenever I see Gannondorf I know that he's getting ready to kill me… my thoughts begin to race… So I usually jump over and start wildly hacking away at his legs! What? IF I DON'T THE LITTLE EVIL PRICK WILL KILL ME!

I know they're after me… they're all after me… Navi was one of them, so I had to strangle her to death…

Epona was working for them… So I had to slit her neck!

The Deku Tree is one of them… I had to pour poison in his roots while he had eaten me…

I don't see how the Adult Link can be so calm when he's around stuff like this! DOESN'T HE KNOW WHAT KIND OF EVIL PLOTS ARE AGAINST HIM!

The whole Kokiri race was in on this… they were planning on getting me! That's why I had to leave the forest! But not before lighting it on fire!

The Gorons are after me too! They tell me to go up that mountain but… SCREW THEM!

All I do is sit here in my little room… I'd go eat dinner with the other smashers… BUT I KNOW THEY'RE OUT TO GET ME!

So I put on a disguise and go to Burger King or something…

I'd use the front door… but I know Ness is watching me to see if he can rape me! So I go out my window while no one is watching!

Then I have to take back alleys and stuff so that no one will see me for who I am…

I just know someone's watching though! Someone somewhere is out to get me!

Like those Zoras… they can say that they were fine with me all they want…

I KNOW THAT WATER WAS POISONED!

"Oh why don't you dive in for some money?" they'd say…

But you know what! I wouldn't fall for that one…

Instead I chopped his head off and pushed HIM in the water! TAKE THAT!

The King didn't like that… neither did that one freaky girl that claimed to be my 'fiancée'

That's fine though… I know they were both trying to kill me… why else would she try to bound me to her? So I stabbed the King in the gut and bashed his daughters head into the wall until she stopped struggling… then I threw her into the lake with the others!

Now I don't have to worry anymore! Not at all… the Zoras aren't going to get me at least!

The people in white coats came to put me in a straight jacket… Those fools! Don't they know that if I'm in a straight jacket that the… the… creatures in the night will get me!

I had to kill them too! That's alright though… it was only self defense!

Oh and then there's that… OWL!

He was talking to me and stuff… and I was like… "DUDE! YOU'RE A BIRD OF PREY! AND YOU'RE TALKING TO ME! KILL IT!"

So then I cracked its neck back 360 degrees… and it was still talking to me! So I sliced it's head off… AND IT WAS STILL TALKING TO ME!

So there was only one choice I had left…

Light it on fire and beat the ashes with a holy cross!

It worked… phew…

So now I have to live life in this little room… avoiding anyone that would kill me!…

It's really hard at times… I honestly think Zelda is trying to kill me… that's why she dresses up as Sheik… she's trying to trick me into talking to her so she can rip my head off! But I know not to fall for it… that's why I trick her into fighting with Gannondorf! It works too!…

But I can't talk any longer… they're coming for me… can you hear it! THEY'RE GOING TO GET ME!

(With this, Y. Link tries to dive out his window. He misses and breaks his neck. Then he gets carried away by Ness)

* * *

YAY! 

I think that was a very… informative chapter…

So lets kick back… relax… and see what life is like to the great… someone… I don't really know who to do next… TELL ME WHO I SHOULD WRITE ABOUT NEXT!

Or I might have to actually think on my own… that would be hard…

Ok then… I know you all hate me… but leave a review anyway… OK?

Seriously though... Ifeel as if I'm going as crazy as the people in my stories... I blame fanfiction and school...

I still hold to the fact that Summer will be pwnage... because I have stories to make that might actually be GOOD ideas for once!

R&UUU Read and Usurp Ugly Ukrainians


	11. Kirby

**The Psycho Ward: SSBM Style!**

**Part 1 plus 1 equals 11! (Ooh!)**

Disclaimer: I don't own SSBM or its characters or its producers or its producers' moms or its name or its soundtrack or its players or its stereotypes or its gaming system or its case or its controller or its spelling or its levels or its game design or its trophy system or its words or its violations of international trade agreements!

Disclaimer of the disclaimer: SSBM may/may not violate international trade agreements… I really don't know…

Disclaimer of the disclaimer 2: Some of SSBM's producers may have grown up in a home without a mom, and so they must be taken into account… we didn't mean to offend anyone…

Disclaimer of the disclaimer 3: I also do not own any other businesses or industries or large countries or small countries or internment camps or farting competitions or anything like that…

Disclaimer of all these disclaimers: I realty don't care either way who owns what, and neither should you… although I don't own not caring…

Reviews:

YO MAMA!

Gold Stars:

If you read this and fart whilst reading this then fourteen pesos and a koala bear can be yours for free! But gold stars wont be included in this prize…

If you read this and like it then 142,612,939,398,328 Gold Stars will go to your bank, just ask them for it… and tell them the FBI sent you…

I'm immature and I like it! I COULD CARE LESS IF YOU'RE SOPHISTICATED! THAT'S JUST A FANCY WAY OF SAYING YOU NEVER TRY ANYTHING FUN!

We are going to get to 35 chapters or something like that!

REEL BIG FISH! JELLYFISH (a new 90s band I've heard of)! ICP!

* * *

(Kirby) 

FOOD!

I came here because someone told me there would be food! WHERE'S THE FOOD! GIVE ME FOOD!

No one at the Smash Mansion ever wants to fight me anymore! I EAT EVERYONE WHO LOOKS AT ME! I'M A SERIAL EATER! I CAN'T CONTROL MYSELF!

I look at a baby and I think "ooh how cute!"

Then right after I just swallow the little thing whole! IT TASTES SO GOOD!

Even if it doesn't taste good though… I'LL STILL EAT IT!

Like Yoshi… Do you REALLY think that that Yoshi is the same Yoshi every time? If you do then you're retarded.

They have to get a new Yoshi from the ranch about once a week! BECAUSE I EAT THEM SO MUCH!

YAY!

I love food! FOOD IS GOOD!

I hear the voices in my head! They scream for food! REGULAR FOOD ISN'T ENOUGH! I NEED THE FOOD THAT SQUIRMS AND SCREAMS AS YOU DIGEST IT!

YUM!

Most people at the Smash Mansion get mad at me when I steal their food.

They're like "Hey! Give me my food back!"

And so I'm like "SHUT UP BEFORE I BITE YOUR HEAD OFF! I NEED FOOD! GIVE ME MORE FOOD!"

They usually back off and eat out or something. I DON'T CARE! JUST GIVE ME FOOD!

I'm legally not allowed into all-you-can-eat buffets anymore… whenever I try a guard's standing there like "you can't come in! You'll put the place out of business!"

And so I eat the guard! And every single witness! AND A FEW CARS! AND THEN I EAT THE ENTIRE STORE WHOLE!

I JUST WANT MORE FOOD!

GIVE ME MORE FOOD!

I'm always stealing food! DID YOU REALLY THINK I WAS THE BAD GUY OF POPSTAR?

KING DEDEDE TOLD ME TO STOP EATING HIS PEOPLE AND HIS PEOPLE'S FOOD! SO I ATE HIS SERVANTS AND THEN STORMED HIS CASTLE! I didn't eat him though… he's getting fatter every year… I want to wait until he weighs at least a ton or so…

BUT ONCE HE GETS THERE I'M EATING HIS JUICY, CHEWY, DELECTABLE, YUMMY SELF! I'LL EAT HIM AND ALL HIS SERVANTS! I'LL EAT THEIR WEAPONS AND CLOTHES! I'LL EAT IT ALL!

King Dedede had to go and get himself a specially hired servant named Meta Knight to try and stop me… AND I CAN'T EAT HIM FOR SOME REASON!

I sit there with my mouth wide open just sucking and sucking and nothing happens! WHY WON'T ANYTHING HAPPEN!

I WANNA EAT META KNIGHT!

So he makes me beat him up and eat his entire "Halberd" ship or whatever…

At least that tasted OK…

I'LL KEEP GETTING MY EATING POWERS STRONGER AND STRONGER UNTIL ONE DAY I CAN EAT THE WORLD! AND ANYONE WHO TRIES TO STOP ME WILL DIE!

Even my friends get eaten… I used to have so many friends… but one day at a party I got hungry and BOOM! I ATE EVERY SINGLE LAST ONE OF THEM! YAY FOR THE TASTY!

I LOVE TO EAT THINGS!

That's really all I have to say… It's my whole life… I used to have a family I could talk to you about… I could tell you about my fun adventures with Waddle Dee or Marx… I could have told you about how wonderful all the trees and flowers were and how we were all friends…

BUT NOW! NOW EVERYTHING ON POPSTAR TRIES TO KILL ME BECAUSE THEY KNOW THAT ONCE I GET NEAR THEM I'LL EAT THEM!

The flowers try to get back and eat me! BUT THEY CAN'T EAT MEEE! NOBODY CAN EAT ME! I'LL EAT THEM BEFORE THEY CAN EAT ME!

I'LL EAT EVERY SINGLE PERSON READING THIS! I'LL COME TO YOUR HOUSE AND EAT IT! THEN I'LL EAT YOUR PARENTS! THEN I'LL PLOP YOU INTO MY MOUTH AND SHUDDER AS YOU SQUIRM AND SCREAM AND TRY TO ESCAPE! BECAUSE EATING IS FUN!

(With this, Kirby starts sucking in air so fast that he rips himself inside out and eats himself)

* * *

YAY! 

It's kind of hard to keep going with something/someone when it's just about food…

So that's basically all I could come up with…

Although I do think that Kirby was quite sexy… but that's a completely different story…

So who's next? How about Bowser…

Or Sheik…

I'm torn between those two… because they're both so cool… and yet it would be so hard to write something on them…

I DON'T LIKE HARD THINGS! (Well ok… I like SOME hard things… but that's for a different time in a yaoi fic…)

I've just scarred myself… LOOK WHAT YOU MADE ME DO FANFICTION! YOU RUINED MY ALREADY WORTHLESS REPUTATION!

R&RATE!… Read and Relax And Train Elephants!


	12. Sheik

**The Psycho Ward: SSBM Style!**

**Part 1 plus 1 equals 11! (Ooh!)**

Disclaimer: I don't own Jack the Rabid Rabbit. Or do I? I don't care!

Reviews:

(Stuff)

Gold Stars:

If you read this from a computer that isn't yours then 3468 gold stars!

If you read this but don't care then 883 gold stars!

If you read this and say ZOMGLIEZPOPZ! Then 31337 gold stars and a virus!

If you can call someone a Wigger then does that mean you can call them a Wigro or a person of Wigroid descent?

Michael Jackson is my hero! I wish I could trick that many kids!

(Sheik)

* * *

STOP LOOKING AT ME!

You have no idea do you! YOU HAVE NO CLUE HOW HARD IT IS TO HAVE NO DEFINED GENDER DO YOU!

I swear, I sit here in horror TRYING to find out WHAT THE CRAP MY NAME IS! And all you people do is argue with each other about what I am! Occasionally someone gives me an idea that might help, but for the most part they just yell out unhelpful crap like "SHEIKS A GIRL BECAUSE SHE'S GIRLY!"

Yeah… REAL helpful there guys…

SERIOUSLY THOUGH! I CAN'T SEEM TO FIND MY GENDER ANYWHERE!

People at the Smash Mansion are always making fun of me for it! It's always "Hey Sheik! Go get me a soda. Oh wait, you CAN'T because YOU DON'T HAVE A GENDER!"

I'm like "HOW THE HELL DOES GENDER MATTER WHEN IT COMES TO SODA!"

After that Doctor Mario went into some discussion about loving your drink that I DON'T WANT TO REPEAT TO ANYONE EVER AGAIN!

Then people will say. "Hey Sheik, how about playing SSBM with us? Oh wait, you can't because YOU DON'T HAVE A GENDER!"

These GIRLS complain about sexism in the work place. DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW MEAN PEOPLE CAN BE TO GENDERLESS PEOPLE!

Like with the whole illegal immigration situation. THOUSANDS of people can get across each DAY! But the minute I get within 10 kilometers I get SURROUNDED BY FREAKIN TANKS!

Then I get a special note from the government! "Hello, we know nothing can really be done about the border. But we have a special program to make sure you don't get in. STAY OUT YOU GENDERLESS FREAK!"

HOW DOES IT MAKE YOU FEEL TO KNOW THAT OUR TAX DOLLARS ARE GOING TO KEEPING GENDERLESS PEOPLE OUT!

Oh wait… That probably makes you feel _good_ inside DOESN'T IT?

I don't get to eat. I don't get to go to parties. People don't ever listen to me. EVEN IN PLACES SPECIFICALLY ABOUT ME PEOPLE IGNORE WHAT I HAVE TO SAY ON THE SUBJECT!

I get the suggestion to look at my birth certificate! Good idea, right? APPARENTLY THE DOCTOR FORGOT TO LIST MY GENDER!

So I go to my doctor, Doctor Mario! THE MINUTE I ASK HIM HE JUST STARES AT ME AND ASKS IF I WANT TO HEAR MY BEAT!

WHY SHOULD I CARE ABOUT MY BEAT WHEN I DON'T KNOW WHETHER I'M A GIRL OR A BOY! I DON'T KNOW WHETHER OR NOT I SHOULD DANCE LIKE A SLUT NOW!

Some people tell me to look down there and find out!

I'M WEARING SPANDEX THAT I'VE WORN EVER SINCE I WAS FIVE YEARS OLD! IT'S IMPOSSIBLE TO TAKE THIS CRAP OFF NOW!

So I have to just look at the EXTREMELY tight spandex and realize that even if I WAS a guy it would have died after being under that much pressure!

I can barely use my legs anymore! BUT THE SPANDEX IS TOO TIGHT! I CANT TAKE IT OFF WITHOUT RIPPING OFF MY SKIN!

And the doctors don't help! WHY IS LIFE SO CRUEL!

So now I just go through life getting yelled at by boys who think I'm too feminine and girls who think I'm too masculine. And there isn't a single country that will legally let me near them, so I have to stay inside the smash mansion.

AND IT ISN'T A VERY GOOD THING TO BE STUCK IN THE SMASH MANSION WHEN THE ONLY PERSON THAT DOESN'T CARE, NESS, IS IN THERE WITH YOU!

He's like, "I know you might not be a girl, but I can help MAKE you a hole!"

NOO! I DON'T WANT THAT FREAK NEAR ME! I WISH PEOPLE WOULD ACCEPT ME! BUT NOT LIKE THAT!

EVEN HYRULE DOESN'T WANT ME ANYMORE! WHO CARES THAT I HELPED SAVE IT FROM DESTRUCTION? THEY WANT THEIR HEROES TO BE ONE SPECIFIC GENDER!

Yeah… Link didn't do ANYTHING to help save Hyrule! I HAD TO GUIDE HIM IN EVERYTHING HE DID! AND THEY END UP MAKING HIM THE HERO AND EDITING ME OUT TO JUST SOME PATHETIC SPECTATOR!

I hate it. Why can't people just ACCEPT me for who I am! Why does EVERYONE want me to be a girl or a boy? WHY CAN'T YOU JUST LEAVE ME ALONE YOU SICK TWISTED FREAKS!

So now I just have to live my life alone. Scared that Ness could come in at any moment and absolutely NO ONE would help me if that happened. I'll never know what I am or where I belong! And I'll have to endure countless hours of people writing about how I'm a girl or a boy! NOBODY UNDERSTANDS ME!

(With this, Sheik turns on some EMO and starts slitting its wrists. Sadly, as it is doing this it misses and ends up poking its eyes out and dies. As it is lying there dead government officials are coming to it to tell it that they've discovered that she was a girl and they were going to allow it to come into the county now. But since she's dead they decide that they didn't really care about Sheik and then they leave)

* * *

YAY!

Poor Sheik. I know what it's like to not know your gender.

Anyway… that's all I have to say about Sheik.

Who do you think I should do next? Should I do Pit, Yoshi, or Bowser?

R&REVIEW… Read and Remember Every Vehicle Is Extremely Weak!


	13. Yoshi

**The Psycho Ward: SSBM Style!**

**Part 13! (Ooh!)**

Disclaimer: I don't own anyone in this story unless related to the Kazzjaff (or did you expect something wittier? Did you _honestly_ expect _me_ to come up with something witty?)

Reviews:

Beagle Baegle everybody Shaekle! (IT'S THE NEW DANCE GROOVE HIT!)

Gold Stars:

If your dad is almost as crazy as mine in a good way or bad way depending on how you interpret things! ………… 1.73 gold stars

If your dad is almost as crazy as Jack the Ripper in a good way or bad way depending on how creepy you are! ………… 2.21 gold stars

If your dad is really Martha Stewart in disguise! ………… 4.14 gold stars

If you don't have a dad! ………… 0.02 gold stars (because I wanna laugh and point as you look down at the ground in sorrow)

If you eat dead babies……………100 gold stars (because I do too… what? Isn't that normal? WHAT DO YOU MEAN I HAVE TO GO BACK TO THE HOSPITAL? DON'T TAKE ME BACK TO THAT PLACE! PLEASE! NOOO! HELP ME!)

We are the men in white coats. We will be finishing off this story since Joeb is… "Busy" right now… maybe in a year if he's good you will be able to talk to him again…

Men in white coats don't listen to funky/dance/happy/crazy music… unless it's THE BEDROOM PHILOSOPHER! HE PWNS!

* * *

(Yoshi… because men in white coats don't listen to the majority of their reviewers) 

Hey man…

You got the 'stuff?'

What do you mean you don't know what I'm talking about man? Man I thought that guy said he'd hook me up…

Man… I need to get my fix… I can't take this much longer… I need my crack man… SOMEONE GET ME MY CRACK MAN!

Alright… alright… I need to just chill… OK… WHERE IS MY CRACK…

I need that stuff man… I NEED it man!

COME ON MAN! I CAN'T GET BY WITHOUT THAT STUFF MAN!

It's like at the mansion man… I keep trying to get some of the good stuff from people… but THEY WONT GIVE ME ANY!

Man… I don't know how much longer I can take it…

I asked Pikachu for some before… and he just swore at me and forced me to get out of his bathroom…

I asked Kirby, I think he realized I was a crack addict and tried to eat me to get a high… I don't blame him actually… I might eat myself if that's what it takes to get more of the magical powder! I JUST WANT MORE!

I love when I get my highs though man! I'm like… on a cloud of like… rainbows… and… like… happy ponies fly through the air and everything's all weird and happy…

People will say stuff like "get the hell away from me you crack head!" and stuff… I DON'T CARE! I DON'T NEED YOU! I JUST WANT MY CRACK!

Just leave me alone!

If I don't get my crack soon I don't know what I'll do!

When I ask Ness for some crack he pulls out something I don't even dare to repeat to you… it's nasty!

I just… need… my… HIGH!

Why wont any of you get it! Why do you always have to point and swear and laugh at me and make fun of me and insult me! Why can't I just get some crack! Why is it that whenever I try to have a little fun you always make fun of me!

I ask Roy for crack and he bursts out crying! He complains because he's got no life and so he can't possibly have any crack!

I ask everyone on the street that I can! BUT THEY WANT ME TO PAY THEM FOR IT!

What in bloody hell is up with that? Who in they're right mind makes someone PAY for crack?

WHEN I SAY I NEED CRACK THAT MEANS I NEED CRACK GOD DAMN IT! AND YOU BETTER GIVE ME SOME CRACK!

So when they try to make me pay I eat them along with the crack… it usually gives me such a great high… GOD I NEED ANOTHER HIGH LIKE THAT!

But word on the street spreads and pretty soon all crack dealers start hiding the minute I appear on the street… I can't get any crack anymore!

I once ate Brittany Spears though… that gave me a high that lasted a whole freaking month! BOO YA!

But the problem is… I need a high… NOW!

AND I CAN'T GET ANY CRACK!

The cops found out about this and now they watch me… so I can't get my hands on anything without them finding out!

The drug dealers avoid me…

The only thing left that I can get near that has any of the good stuff in it is ME!

I hate it!

But… now that I think about it… I don't know what would be so wrong… maybe… maybe just a taste… yeah… ANYTHING for a high!

(With this, Yoshi starts licking his arm… his eyes glaze over and he bites his arm off… then he starts gnawing on his leg and before long he's eaten himself inside out… then Kirby (who ISN'T dead despite what you think) walks up and sees the Yoshi remains. He eats it and gets a glazed over look in his eyes. He starts stumbling around, stoned, when he trips, falls, and lands on a rusty nail. Kirby pops)

* * *

YAY! 

Confusion on my part… I think this should be rated M… honestly… drug references… and swearing in the first chapter that's honestly… like… really… umm… bad…

Whatever… I feel I had started to lack the fun of my older self… the one that swore and yelled and insulted and if you were offended it was YOUR fault so shut the hell up and get out of my way!

That was fun… either way though… all I really want is to show you as much fun things as I can… but if you were dumb enough to find ME as an author and start reading my stories… then I think you were dumb enough to also find the websites that pit dictator against dictator to see who was the best/worst of all time… all you need to do is search up dead babies on google images and there's a picture of this dictator guy with the words: He. Ate. Dead. Babies.

Also, if you want to watch a movie that basically takes everything I am, puts it in a woman, and then undermines my reactions… then watch "Office Killer". It's a good freaking movie dude… up there with "Octane" and "Love Object". The only time you'll ever see these things is if you have Showtime channels and you are willing to stay up REALLY late at night… but it's worth it…

This has been the men in white coats… doing everything the way we think Joeb would have done it… he also would probably ask you what you prefer between Pit and Bowser and then not listen to a thing you say and just pretend he is in order to make you think that he cares.

R&TMIC!… Read and Tell Me I've Changed!


	14. Mario

**The Psycho Ward: SSBM Style!**

**Part 14.983! Mario!**

Disclaimer: I don't own anything… I don't care either… I will offend you one of these days… and when that day comes I want you to hit me over the head with a dead fish…

Reviews:

Thanks… but I like flams more…

Gold Stars:

If you read it: 83

If you ONLY read this chapter and none of the other ones: 6

If you're name is Kaylin and I can't ever seem to spell it: 0.2

If you like Pee Wee Herman as much as I do: 999

If you like Barney: 875

Kid shows pwn…

REEL BIG FISH AND MAD CADDIES AND ICP AND WHAT THE HELL WHO CARES I DON'T!

* * *

(Mario)

I HATE LIFE!

I'M SICK OF THIS CRAP!

EVERYONE'S ALWAYS POINTING AT ME AND CALLING ME A FAT LAZY PIECE OF CRAP THAT DOESN'T DO ANY WORK AND LUIGI DOES EVERYTHING AND I JUST GET THE ATTENTION!

I DO MORE WORK THAN THAT WHINEY LITTLE FAGGOT!

Luigi just sits there! And when I save the day he cries and asks why HE can't go on any adventures! SO I GO OFF AND LET HIM GO ON AN ADVENTURE AND HE STARTS BRAGGING THAT I'M NOTHING WITHOUT HIM AND GETS PWND!

I have to save the little freak. And what does he do when I save him? HE STEALS MY GIRLFRIEND!

You'd think Peach would be THANKFUL that I save her up to 20 times a week from Bowser! BUT SHE JUST SLAPS ME AND TELLS ME I'M A HORRIBLE PERSON AND I'M TOO MEAN TO LUIGI AND AW WHAT THE HELL!

I SERIOUSLY HATE THIS!

People act as if I'm just a fat lazy idiot that farts a lot and uses people.

LUIGI TRIES TO KILL ME EVERY F(censored)ING DAY! I CAN'T EAT LUNCH WITH THE OTHER SMASHERS BECAUSE THEY'RE ALL JEALOUS!

Jealous… of WHAT? IN EVERY MARIO GAME LIKE MARIO TENNIS AND MARIO KART, MARIO IS THE LEAST USED F(censored)ING CHARACTER!

MARIO'S ONE OF THE LEAST USED CHARACTERS IN SSBM TOO! EVERYONE FIGURES HE'S JUST A BORING NORMAL CHARACTER AND GOES WITH SOMEONE MORE 'interesting' LIKE SHEIK OR DK OR SOMETHING!

THE PROBLEM IS… MARIO IS ALWAYS THE ONE WITH STATS THAT ARE 'NORMAL' WHILE EVERYONE ELSE HAS AT LEAST ONE THING THAT MAKES THEM FUN!

Speaking of SSBM… I HATE EVERYONE IN THAT GOD-FORSAKEN MANSION!

Captain Falcon keeps acting as if I keep him down. I HARDLY EVEN KNOW THE LITTLE PRICK!

I CAN'T STAND THOSE CUTESY LITTLE POKEMON!

Ness… well…

Anyway…

PEACH YELLS AT ME BECAUSE SHE DOESN'T WANT TO COOK DINNER!

YOU KNOW WHAT BITCH? IT ISN'T ALWAYS CONVENIENT FOR ME TO FIGHT ARMIES OF EVIL THROUGH CASTLES OF EVIL WITH LAVA AND SPIKES EVERYWHERE! BUT I DO IT ANYWAY! WHY? BECAUSE I'M WILLING TO SACRIFICE FOR THIS RELATIONSHIP!

But no… She has to go with Luigi… WHO'S HARDLY DONE ANYTHING FOR HER!

Do you think the reason Luigi isn't in some of the games is because we didn't want him there? I BEGGED FOR HIM TO COME BUT HE CHICKENED OUT OF THE FIGHT HALF OF THE TIME!

EVEN WHEN IT ISN'T NINTENDO RELATED EVERYONE HATES ME!

SONIC BLAMES ME FOR SEGA'S DEATH! IT'S NOT MY FAULT YOUR GAMES WEREN'T POPULAR YOU LOSER! IT'S YOUR GAME, SO IT'S YOUR FAULT IF IT DOESN'T SELL!

I TRY TO GO TO AN ALL YOU CAN EAT BUFFET AND THEY DON'T LET ME EAT THERE BECAUSE THEY THINK I'M GOING TO EAT THEM OUT OF BUSINESS! HOW THE HELL DID I GET THIS REPUTATION? I HARDLY EVER EAT IN MY GAMES!

The kids used to like me… THEY HATE ME NOW! WHENEVER A KID PASSES BY HE'S LIKE "Ooh… you're so stupid. Your game is just for little kids and pussies! I like Halo. That game's so much better than you…"

WHAT THE (censored) IS THIS LITTLE FAGGOT TELLING ME? TEN YEARS AGO EVERYONE SAID MY GAMES WERE AMAZINGLY WELL MADE! AND NOW EVERYONE WOULD RATHER PLAY A MORE 'MATURE' GAME? I HATE IT!

I just rip out their eyes and shove them down their throat… then rip their tongue out and hang them with it…

YOU WANT BLOOD AND GORE AND MATURITY? HERE IT IS YOU LITTLE BASTARD!

IF ANY OF YOU WANT MORE MATURE GAMING JUST COME TO MY HOUSE! I'LL SHOW YOU THE TRUE MEANING OF MATURE! HALO'S GOT NOTHING ON ME!

I try to show Peach what Mature means and she goes off with Roy or Marth…

WHAT THE HELL? WHEN I FIRST SAW MARTH I THOUGHT HE WAS ROY'S GIRLFRIEND! HOW DOES THAT MAKE GIRLS LIKE HIM MORE?

So Peach is a slutty little whore who goes with ANYONE as long as it isn't the person who SAVES HER LIFE!

She's even gone out with Bowser before! THAT MONSTER TRIES TO KILL YOU MORE TIMES THAN ANIME FANGIRLS HAVE ANNOYED PEOPLE AND YET YOU STILL GO OUT WITH HIM MORE THAN YOU GO OUT WITH ME?

I SAVE HER AND SHE GIVES ME A CAKE AND THEN TELLS ME TO STOP BEING SO SELF-CENTERED WHEN I ASK HER IF THAT'S ALL I'M EVER GOING TO GET!

FINE THEN PEACH! IF YOU DON'T WANT TO DO ANYTHING FOR ME THEN I'M LEAVING! I'LL FIND SOMEONE WHO APPRECIATES SOMEONE WHO IS WILLING TO HELP!

The problem is everyone thinks I'm a self-centered brat. SO NOBODY WILL GO OUT WITH ME!

WHAT THE (censored)? WHAT SELF-CENTERED THING HAVE I EVER DONE IN A SINGLE ONE OF MY GAMES? WHY DOES EVERYONE ACT AS IF I'M KEEPING THEM DOWN? I'M SO SICK OF THIS CRAP!

(With this, Mario screams and goes to jump down a pipe. His body goes down but his head gets stuck and ripped off.)

* * *

YAY!

I LOVE LIFE!1

Mario needs to stop complaining… oh my gosh… that's so stupid…

Honestly though… Mario is always the most pathetic character in Mario Tennis and Mario Kart… he's got every stat set to pretty much what is considered 'normal'

If you like to play as HIM in those games… then I feel sorry for you…

Foamy got a front page on newgrounds! ZOMG!

YAYZ!

LYFE IS WORTH LIVING AGAIN!

Read and review… you have my permission to review…


	15. Jigglypuff

**The Psycho Ward: SSBM Style!**

**Part VVV! (Aren't I amazing with Roman Numerals?)**

Disclaimer: I don't own the characters in this story…

Reviews:

If you didn't review then I will be forced to slap you with this 2-ton fish that I found lying in my bathtub, dead.

Gold Stars:

If you read it: 1

If you know about paradox interactive: 99

If you schedule when and where you're going to get drunk: 6

If you use the Internet for more than just fanfiction: 7

If you're going to be going to school in less than a month: -77777777

Congratulations to the Mongolians currently reading this story!

REEL BIG FISH! ICP!

* * *

(Jigglypuff!) 

Deh! Hey! Heheh! I'm Jiggz!

I'm the super secret ninja of powah! Lolz!

I once saved the world! It waz funneh!

Pikachu wuz walking into da room, and he had a super secret bomb of death and ouchiez!

So, like the hero I am, I shot hiz eyez and stabbed him and started beating the corpse like a hero cuz I'm a hero and datz heroic like what heroz do!

He kept tellen me "It's just a backpack! I just got home from school today!" but I know hez lying!

I can totally tell with my super secret and awsume eyez of see threw powah!

Cuz I am da best thing tu happen to the Smash Peoplez! I don't say smash brothaz cuz that iz racist!

And I am not a racist! I might be slightly more tolerant to da white guyz, but datz different!

Like da time I walked up to DK and wuz like "You're just a dumb monkey!"

And he waz like "You stop making fun of my ancestry!"

And I wuz like "You are jusht being a racist!"

And I don't stand up for dat kind of intolerable maner!

Cuz I am too gud fer dat!

I like to go on the internetz! And I go look up Pokemon! And it's kewl cuz I can watch moviez of me on the internetz!

And I like the internetz! You can't be a super secret ninja that saves the world without one!

My internetz was made in china! Datz what the tag said! Or wuz that my couch?

Couch, Internetz, same thing. You can use both in do it yourself kitchen projectz!

One time I was doing a do it yourself kitchen project but Mario walked in and waz like "You stop that! That's bad! You could light the whole mansion on fire!"

And I wuz like "You stop being a meanie you meanie!" Cuz he was totally being a meanie!

And I don't like meanies cuz meanies are mean and bad and do bad things that are mean…

Like when Gannondorf wuz like "Would you please go to bed and stop screaming about saving the world like that? I'm trying to get some sleep here!"

I wuz like "You shut up you oppressor person you cuz that's mean and wrong to oppress others just cuz they are different then you… you must be a blobishst because that is what you are being oppressive against you just hate me cuz I'm round and fluffy and thatz blobisht!"

And he got confused but I know he wasn't really confused I know he wuz just trying to fool me but I don't get confused like that cuz I'm smart and cool and so I hired a little kid to kill him…

Little kidz are me friendz! They are nice to me and do things for me and we go drink lemonade cuz we are cool and nice friendz and stuff!

One time my friendz, the kidz, were all out playing in the dirt. And one of them got stuck. And I called for help. And nobody came.

And one kid wuz like "you are supposed to dial first!"

But I wuz like "You and what army?"

And that shut him up because that was totally pwnage cuz I pwn people all the time cuz I'm really smart and witty and cool.

One time I was fighting the ultimate evilz but he wuz like "I'm not the ultimate evil, I'm Gannondorf and I'm getting sick of you stalking me!"

And I wuz like "You and what army?"

And he wuz like "What?"

And I wuz like "You heard me correctly?"

And he wuz all creeped out and tried to escape but I wuz like "You don't escape this time you evil bad person that is mean and rude and scarez people!"

And he wuz like "I'm really not a bad guy!"

And I wuz like "You killed my brother!"

And he wuz like "What are you talking about?"

Cuz he triez to use tricks to get awai frum my powah but I am too kewl to fall for such tricks and cuz I know he's like the devil or father of liez or something like that and then Link came up and wuz like "I will help you Jigglypuff!"

And I wuz like "I don't need help frum some backwater stupid hero who iz stupid and dumb and only saves the world on a daily basis cuz I save the world 24/7/11 or whatever that number wuz cuz I can't remember cuz they never told us in school but whatever"

And he wuz like "What are you talking about?"

And Gannondorf wuz like "Isn't she annoying?"

And those tue argued or something but I left cuz they were totally not worth my time cuz I'm so smart and kewl and stuff…

Then there wuz that time where I saved the world from a big severd hand that came to life and I wuz like "Stop destroying the world!"

And the hand wuz like "What are you talking about? I'm just sitting here minding my own business!"

And I wuz like "da first step iz admittance" and den left cuz he learnt hiz lesson!

I'm a good teacher or at least thatz what me dog sayz cuz my dog likez me cuz I taught it how tu talk and he talks gud and we talk to each other but we don't talk the same language cuz I taught him Japanese or something like that and he wuz like "oops you taught me Japanese"

And I wuz like "oops I taught you Japanese"

And so now he just goez around saying dog all the time in Japanese which is like "woof" or something and I can't understand what he meanz cuz I taught him Japanese which is not the language I am speaking right now cuz that is English and not Japanese which is what I taught my dog.

(With this, a big Batman sign appears on the wall and Jigglypuff takes it as her cue to jump to the rescue. She jumps out of the window but forgot her utility belt and so splats into the ground and dies)

* * *

Yay! 

Isn't Jigglypuff smart?

Smarter than me… that's for sure!

Which is confusing… because a character that I made up is somehow smarter than me…

OK people… you've answered this question numerous times… but I've shunned you and pushed you aside! Now to do it again! Do you want me to do Pit next, or Bowser?

I probably wont do either but just keep telling me which one you prefer until then… it will give you something to do… then you could feel like you're important or something even though you're not and nobody cares…

R&CNN… Read and Comb Nightly Newspapers!


	16. Bowser

**The Psycho Ward: SSBM Style!**

**Part IVX, OR XIV, OR XIIII! **(Cuz I'm a genius with Roman Numerals!)

Disclaimer: I don't own the characters in this story…

Reviews: Review or you will face the wraith of my two handed battle-axe, which grants me a +7 modification bonus to dexterity. Add that to my already +4 dexterity bonus and my awesome feats and you'll NEVER HIT ME! Oh crap I rolled a 1… NUUUEEEEZ!

Gold Stars: I won't do them… it's obvious that people only try to put jokes in to increase the word count. If we were smart we'd not even type anything and leave the story a blank page. When you waste your time putting JOKES into a HUMOR story you're obviously just begging for attention. Besides, I want to keep the Gold Stars for myself!

ICP! TYPICAL EMO BANDS! (The Used… listen to their lyrics, they sing about how they're just fakes and they really aren't all that lonely but why stop complaining when it gets you what you want? Or at least that's what I interpreted from "AAAAAHHHH!" over and over again)

* * *

(Bowser)

Hi.

Umm, yeah, I'm not really a bad person.

I'm kind of nice… I guess.

I think I'm nice… I mean… that what my mom told me and… I mean… she loves me… or something… I hope…

Like… yeah…

I wish Mario would stop picking on me. He's so mean to me, and he treats me mean, and he's mean. He makes me cry. It's mean.

I wish I could just go on without so many people making fun of me. I try to be a friend, but they just laugh at me, either that or run away screaming in terror. I don't know what I ever did, but they just run away from me.

I call them later. Say "I'm sorry if I did anything, and I'd be willing to come over to your house right now at 2 AM in the morning and make it up to you" and they either get really pissy or scream and hang up. I don't know why the cops arrive at my house the next day, they're just all so mean.

I like Peach. She usually comes over to my house and brings cookies or something. She's really nice about it and everything, but then Mario comes over and he's really mean and a meanie head and makes me cry and stuff. He takes Peach away, and he's yelling and everything. It would make me cry, but my tummy starts to hurt and I get massive diarrhea. I guess Peach accidentally put something in my cookies, oh well, she's really nice.

I try to be nice for people like Peach. I go to people's houses and bring cookies in the shapes of guns and stuff. They usually either slam the door in my face or shoot me with ballistic missiles, though Samus does more of that last one than anyone else, though I think Pichu's done that to me once. Either way, it makes me cry. Those meanie heads.

I have to eat my cookies all by myself. Nobody comes to share them with me. Nobody wants to be my friend. I asked one kid once if he would eat some cookies with me. No.

That's all there is to the story. He said no and walked away to play with his "real friends" or whatever. It made me sad. I don't like it when people have to make other people sad. Why can't we all just get along?

Nobody wants to get along with me though. Luigi throws eggs at me whenever I walk by, Mario throws poo at me, Peach is really nice and throws me cookies, though those cookies tend to give me more diarrhea, but I know she means well enough. She's really nice.

I don't much like life in the Smash Mansion, but they told me to come, so I came. Sometimes I'll be wandering through some of the stages when someone jumps out and starts beating me with a bat, or throwing bombs at me. I don't like it when they do that kind of thing to me. It makes me sad. Those meanie heads.

I'm going to bed now. I remember when my mommy used to tuck me in, but she left one day, something about a "mob" I wish mommy didn't go. Mario laughs at me and stuff. He says stuff about having killed her and stuff. I know he's lying though. He has to be lying. Mommy can't be dead! My mommy is really special!

Yeah...

That's all...

I don't really have much else to say, I'm not that good with presentations. Mommy said I'm good and all, but she's just being nice.

I wish I could talk better… or draw… or write… I can't do that though… I'm pretty smart… I guess… I mean, I only got like… a 1.0… but I know I could do better if I wanted. Yeah…

I'm… umm…

Well…

Err…

(Bowser begins to walk away looking down at the ground in silence. As he goes off looking down he doesn't realize he's walking strait towards Peach, who trips and 'accidentally' stabs Bowser through the neck with a golf tee. He bleeds and dies and all that whatever)

* * *

YAY!

I've been on a kind of break, or something. Whatever it is, it involves a lot of work.

I have school and school and then I have to stop for the occasional food break that I usually don't get and they just give me food and make me work while I eat it which sucks because they don't allow food into the lab so I do something and run outside and take a bite and run back in before EVERYTHING is completely destroyed.

That sounds like a rant I could give to one of the Smash Brothers… the question is… which one? Why don't you review me and tell me which one you'd like to see next, or just tell me I suck or something, I don't really care all that much… as long as it's a review.

Yes this is just a way to increase the word count. I try to get 1000 words every document I submit. I like to have 1000 words in the story alone, but there's no way I'm dipping below that level on this document. I couldn't keep that rant up any longer anyway.

After a series of debates amongst the 32 voices in my head (which are real and object to be called an attempt at getting attention) I have decided that I like pineapple. That will be all.


	17. Link

**The Psycho Ward: SSBM Style!**

**Part 17?**

Disclaimer: I don't own the characters as they are owned by Nintendo... actually... in the SSBB a large ammount of characters willn't be owned by Nintendo... how silly...

Gold Stars: I give 5 trillion to uhyeahitsteamdark... dude... inflation has gone up... it used to be 5 could get you by, and now 5 trillion is just a regular number...

Ok. Life sucks every other day but then the next day is always cool. Today happens to be a happy day. I wouldn't have the mental ability to write a story on a bad day. Have a Merry Christmas everyone!

* * *

(Link) 

I'm smurt!

I get that one grade... that's higher than those other ones... I forgot exactly what the grade is... but I know it's higher than the other ones cuz I'm smurt!

I can spell "forensic science" without using a calculator! Cuz I'm smurt!

I get 40s, cuz I'm smurt! The highest grade anyone else arund here get is Ness with a 4... ha! I'm so much smurter than him!

I go to school fur kids that ar smurt like me. I'm so smurt the othar parents took the kids out of that school and put them in other schools. So now I'm so smurt a whole school is dedicated to me.

I was so smurt the teachers left too.

In fact. The school is now an attraction. They call it "the haunted school of retarded kids!" cuz I was so smurt I made everyone there look like retards!

I think I'm tha real brains of the SSNBCT... erm... I'm not good with acrophyncy... well I'm not good with big wurds or wurds that are like... made into lettars. I still can't find out why they made them into short letter combo thingys. It doesn't make sense. But anyway. That group I'm in that fights and whatever else... I'm like the brains of it and stuff... cuz I'm smurt!

purt of the whole fight group thing I'm in is interviews and stuff for the fans and whatever. A question peeple like to ask me is two plus... erm... I know it's a low number around two... I forget though... anyway, they like to ask me it and I like to go into the deep stuff about how to solve it and stuff. They start laughing. Its cool cuz I can be funny and solve complackz matnmhaticerl esckqa... erm... those long words that mean I'm smart. I can be funny and do that cuz I'm smurt!

I rite on fanfiction and all that. I write stories there. For fans. The stories tend to be fiction, though sometimes they're nonfiction, but I write it still, cuz I'm multitahgmlenty... well... I do more than one thing. I can't do more than one thing at a time, thats hard. I doubt anyone can. Like walking and chewing gum. It's like the olympheic... that sport thing. Yeah. So I write. It's usually about stuff. I think I get lots of good reviews an stoff, but I can't seem to remember. Tha reviews wur so guud that the review people things said STFUENM... I forget the letter thing. They know the complex letter stuuf thogh, cuz I write for an interiuleckural... erm... I write for smurt people cuz I'm smurt!

I'm surry by tha way, I mostly talk in one sentance spurts so I dont lose people with ma smurtness. I can talk in whole parapalegihaffxh... erm... those big word things... I forget. Whutevar, I talk in big lots of talkings and use lots of words, but can simplefy it enough to make it easy fur those peeple whu arent as smurt cuz I'm smurt.

I went on lots of cool advrehgntu... erm... those things where you save the peeple frum stuff. Cuz I wuz a smurt person in a big civihglizathon... erm... I was in a group that was so big and strong that we lived in a forest away from all other big group thingies and hid frum stuff that was stuff... I forget what it was... but I was smurt with smurt people. We did lots of smurt things.

This shiney small girl thingy floated into mah room an told me to do stuff. But I was to smurt too do wat shee wantad. So I went to the big tree thing guy that was in charge of stuff, and I said something about how she didnt haff the right to tell me to go see him. An he wus smurt about it an said something funny. It was funny. I laughed so hard I was laughing funnie...

Enuff joeks though. He was like telling me he'd eat me. So I decided to hied from him for a while, an I figured he'd never find me if I hid in his mouth, so that's whar I went. It was a trik though, cuz he ate me aftar that. So I was like, tricked. He was smurt. The tree could teach us all. But he wasn't as smurt as me.

I luked around at the lit torches, the termites, the viciiusiouxh... erm... the monsters that were big and scary and stuff, and I thought there had to be something that could kill a tree somewhere in there. Aftar hours of seerching, I realized the small shiney girl thingy was with me, and was giving off light. I herd that light was good for trees, an I also herd that too much of a gud thing is bad. So I started throghing her at tha wallz an stuff. Eventully, I herd a screme an a splat noise an the girl was ded. So I ran at the wall real hard an figured if shee was filled wif light and shee was bouncing off tha wall, then I might get light if I started slapen into the wall tue. I slaped into tha wall and there was termites thar. And I broke righ through and out of tha tree thingy. I had so much light I broke through termites and wood, but it was so light I couldn see. An light is darker than I thought, so I fel over an wen two bed cuz thats what yu du when its durk cuz I go tu bed on teim cuz I'm smurt.

I lernd that light is strong an stuff, an sue I stapled light ontu mei arrows. I forget how, but it was there. There's lotsa light on the planet, an I dont no why noone else thoght to use it until me, but I'm just smurt.

I shot Gannondurf in tha leg with a light arrow, an it hurt him. It was cool cuz gannondurf has dark skin, and dark skin people have near impenetraple skin from what I learnd on the internets, and the power of light hurt him. I guess light beats dark people. I found that out cuz I'm smurt.

I also met this girl. I forgot her name, it was a Z name though. She told me to save her kingdom, an I was like, "whats in it fur me!" an she was like talking about kingdums and tresure an stuff an I dont caer cuz I like democracy cuz I'm American. So I ignored her and banished that guy who was in charge of that city she was obsessed with. That showed her! She keeps thankin me fur it, but her refvearsh psycoiligiefh... erm... that mind trick stuff she tries dosn't work cuz I'm smurt!

Sheik is always taking credet fur whut I due thoeh. He only led me to the plaice an beat that gui to near deth, I was busy fixing ma hair! Yu cant have a guud fight without guud hair! Sheik was stuped though. Thats why he died. He didnt relieze only guys can wear cloths that tight! He thought he didn't know his gender! I did though cuz I'm smurt.

But I haff to go now. The fans are waiting!

(With this, Link runs full speed into a wall. A crackle is heard and he falls to the ground in pain. The detectives from CSI came to the scene and upon investigation of the wall determined that the Deku Tree had done it, as the wood was made from his dead body. They gained a warrent to burn down the entire Kokiri Forest, thus stopping the threat of killer trees forever.)

* * *

YAY! 

If that's an insult to anyone it's to me...

3D animation and design and modeling and staring and drooling... that's what I'm doing right now... programs that cost thousands of dollars are used and I AM IN LOVE!!!

R&YIFF Read and Yiff Is Freaking Fun!


End file.
